INT. OPERATING THEATRE. DAY.
A SURGEON and his ASSISTANT are operating on a PATIENT.
SURGEON:
Excellent...okay. Can we get the Retractor over here?
PATIENT:
(Murmurs)
SURGEON:
Did you properly sedate the patient?
ASSISTANT:
Oh yes Doctor. I read him his favourite story. He went out like a light. Didn't you?
PATIENT:
What's going on?
SURGEON:
For god's sake, he's awake. Can we please be professional? Put him under.
ASSISTANT:
(singing) Rock a bye baby on the tree top, when the wind blows the cradle will...
PATEINT.
Argh! Jesus! This isn't right. This isn't right.
THE ASSISTANT WAVES A TEDDY BEAR IN FRONT OF THE PATIENTS FACE.
ASSISTANT:
It's ok, here's Mr Huggsy. Look he's sleepy. Why don't you have a little sleep with Mr Huggsy?
SURGEON:
Never mind Mr Huggsy, get this man to sleep.
ASSISTANT:
Of course Doctor.
THE ASSISTANT RETRIEVES A CYLINDER OF GAS. HE THEN TAKES A BALLOON OUT OF HIS POCKET AND THEN INFLATES IT WITH THE GAS.
ASSISTANT:
Look! Balloon!
SURGEON:
Please I must Insist.
ASSISTANT:
Don't worry Doctor, you carry on I'll distract him. Look at the pretty colours. There's red...red...quite a lot of red. Pretty red.
PATIENT:
Please make it stop.
ASSISTANT.
How many Lungs can you see? Shall we count them?
PATIENT:
Two! I've got two lungs!
ASSISTANT:
Close enough.
SURGEON:
Now listen. He woke up because of you and now he's all over excited.
ASSISTANT:
Don't blame it all on me, I told you these night lights were too bright.
PATIENT:
I think I'm having an out of body experience.
SURGEON:
You stay where I can see you Mister.
END.
