Calling my lovely friends (yup I need something)

HELP!!!!

My mother works in a care home
Ealing House Residential Home in Martham Norfolk.
Anyhoo It appears that yesterday at work, mother dearest volunteered to put on a Christmas play for the residents. Now according to my joyous mother it is a Wizard of Oz theme but with old time comedy actors. Eg Charlie Chaplin, Laurel & Hardy, old time famouus singers Vera Lynn, Frank Sinatra & they all love Elvis apparently.
Anyhoo As my mother dearest was volunteering to do this remarkable comedy play, in her mind she thought Charley can write this moother fooker.

I have literaly just come off the phone to the dickhead & when I said "Mother we are almost in October. This means you will need this play in a few weeks in order to rehearse. I can not possibly do it in time" Mother went on about the old people & how ill they were & how for most it would be their last xmas & all.
I then had the wonderful experience of listening about so and so's ulcerated legs & so & so's 4th stroke & how so & so needs a hoist to perform a poo.

Mother however came up with a cunning plan. She said "Ask some of you friends from that doo dah thingy me bob you go on. You know that www dot thing".

Is anybody out there willing to write a sketch. I don't care if it is 2 minutes long. They will of course announce who all the writers were & who knows, maybe next year they will be touring the entire UK of res homes. Doubtful with the singing & terrible voices but hey ho.
I can put a series of sketches together see. Rather than a play.
There are 8 female carers who will be acting. They are happy to be fellas. (les be having you)
I have to tone down my foul mouth.

Anyhoo any takers. Sketches, wizard of ozzy theme, Elvis as the Wizard, old time comedians/singers. Funny.......... Think easy to make costumes... Look when mother dearest pegs it I am in line for a few grand. I will remember your help & pay you something.
You never know if I stir things up between her & my dad, daddy dearest might kill the bint.

*Begs*

Once upon a time there was a pretty fairy whose name was Charley. the only thing was she knew this and took full advantage.

She waved her magic wand and .....

Sorry I cabn't do this without coming up with dirty thoughts.

Do you think they'll appreciate that?

I'll have a sift through some sketches over next coupla days, Charley. Also, and feel free to hack it to pieces, but I've a comic play set in a residential home that's done ok in a coupla competitions if you fancy that.

Quote: Flavian @ September 15 2010, 12:36 PM BST

I'll have a sift through some sketches over next coupla days, Charley. Also, and feel free to hack it to pieces, but I've a comic play set in a residential home that's done ok in a coupla competitions if you fancy that.

View original

Defo thank you bub!

Quote: Chappers @ September 15 2010, 12:35 PM BST

Once upon a time there was a pretty fairy whose name was Charley. the only thing was she knew this and took full advantage.

She waved her magic wand and .....

Sorry I cabn't do this without coming up with dirty thoughts.

Do you think they'll appreciate that?

View original

The old codgers would like it hon. Infact did you escape from there yourself?

Sorry about that. Where did the word "pretty" come from?

Good f**king luck gal. Might be easier to shoot your mother.

Quote: Will Cam @ September 15 2010, 12:41 PM BST

Good f**king luck gal. Might be easier to shoot your mother.

View original

May have too.

Charley - I've sent it over to your email address.

All the best!

Quote: Flavian @ September 15 2010, 1:01 PM BST

Charley - I've sent it over to your email address.

All the best!

View original

Thanks Leevil.

Say whaa?!

Quote: Leevil @ September 15 2010, 1:05 PM BST

Say whaa?!

View original

Sorry I meant Flavian. I was trying to multi task. Obviously cant.

THANKYOU FLAV

It's the chimp thing, isn't it?

I think using a narrator would be the best way of diverting the piece away from the original Wizard of OZ and link a series of sketches (to make some sort of sense of the ensemble). This would also enable you to make contemporary references (if the audience would understand)

I can't remember the story or ending that much but....

Narrator Dressed as Umpalumpa:

Ladies and Gentlemen, we need your help. It has been some years now in Oz since our wonderful wizard left, leaving our land in the safe hands of the Lion, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man. (TO AUDIANCE) And we thought we had problems with Cameron and Clegg! The Lion has got to go in for a hip replacement, the Scarecrow needs restuffing and the Tin man has to have his 100,000 mile service. But who will run Oz while they are away? We have a number of possible replacements but we need your help in choosing. Welcome to.... the Oz-Factor (or Oz has Talent).......

Cue several stand alone scences whilst Elvis, Chaplin etc. audition with the narrator linking them with Oz type references. The Wicked With could audition as the baddie. The old dears could then vote for their favourite (if they are still awake).

Just an idea (but if Flavian's is an easier option - bite his hand off)

Quote: Flavian @ September 15 2010, 1:32 PM BST

It's the chimp thing, isn't it?

View original

You all look the same to me.

Yeh sounds like a laugh.

Wadja want bunch of linked sketches about Xmas?

I've got one where the 3 wisemen go to see an illegal immigrant f**k a donkey but I can do nicer.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/10299/ https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/10780/ https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/10880/

I missed out number 2 as it's shit (appropriately enough)