Evening all,
Here's two sketches I have written for a couple of characters called Steve & Eddy. Would greatly appreciate some feedback if you've got five minutes!
Birthday Present
ACT ONE
INT. THE LIVING ROOM
CAMERA SHOT OF TWO YOUNG MEN (STEVE AND EDDY), EARLY 20S,
SITTING ON A SOFA. THEY ARE WATCHING TV.
STEVE
What shall I do for my birthday on
Friday mate? Do you think we
should just have a few people
round?
EDDY
It's your birthday on Friday?
STEVE
Yes.
EDDY
Oh.
STEVE
How did you not know? We've known
each other for about 8 years...
EDDY
But I'm not gay for you man. I
don't know your birthday.
STEVE
It's not gay to know when my
birthday is.
EDDY
Yes it is.
PAUSE.
EDDY
You're not going to want a present
or anything are you?
STEVE
Well... I did buy you that guitar
for your birthday.
EDDY
Oh.
PAUSE, AND WE CAN HEAR THE TELEVISION. A QVC-TYPE CHANNEL IS
ON, SELLING A BARGAIN PAIR OF SKIS FOR £29.99.
EDDY
You like skiing, don't you?
STEVE
No, I hate it. I went when I was
12, and broke my leg in 5 places.
It was awful. I still have
nightmares.
PAUSE.
EDDY
You must like the freedom
though... wind in your hair and
all that.
STEVE
I can't think of anything worse.
PAUSE.
EDDY
Can you pass me the phone?
STEVE PASSES THE PHONE.
STEVE
Who are you ringing?
EDDY
Noone.
EDDY
(On phone,
talking
quietly)
Hi. I'm ringing about the pair of
skis that you're advertising at
the moment?
STEVE
Why are you buying the skis?
EDDY
Sshh.
EDDY
Yep they're the ones. Errr... if I
ordered these now, would they get
here by Friday?
EDDY
Excellent. I'd like to place an
order then please.
STEVE
Eddy, why are you buying the skis?
And why do they have to be here by
Friday?
EDDY
I'm on the phone dude.
STEVE
I don't want skis for my birthday
man. I hate skiing.
EDDY
(Glares at
James, then
talks on phone,
reading from
his credit
card)
Sure, 4977, 5444, 6776, 8770. 086.
PAUSE.
EDDY
Declined? Damn. Hold on.
EDDY
Dude, could I borrow your credit
card?
STEVE
Why are you buying skis??
EDDY GESTURES AT PHONE WILDLY.
STEVE
*sigh* Promise me they're not for
my birthday. I don't want to buy
myself skis for my birthday.
EDDY
Ok.
STEVE
Ok.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
INT. THE LIVING ROOM
STEVE AND EDDY ARE SAT ON THE SOFA WATCHING TV. THE DOOR
BELL RINGS. EDDY JUMPS UP AND SAYS 'I'LL GET IT'.
EDDY LEAVES, AND YOU HEAR THE DOOR OPEN AND THEN SHUT. THERE
ARE LOUD SCRUNCHING SOUNDS, AND THEN EDDY STARTS SINGING
'HAPPY BIRTHDAY'.
EDDY WALKS BACK INTO THE ROOM, WITH WHAT ARE OBVIOUSLY A
HASTILY WRAPPED PAIR OF SKIS. HE LOOKS NERVOUS.
EDDY
Happy birthday mate... I hope it
doesn't matter that they've
delivered one slightttttly longer
than the other?
CLOSE UP OF STEVE'S FACE.
STEVE
You're such a dick.
THE END.
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First Impressions
ACT ONE
INT. LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING
EDDY IS SAT ON THE SOFA, TALKING ON THE PHONE. YOU HEAR
STEVE COMING DOWN THE STAIRS, THEN HE ENTERS THE FRONT ROOM.
EDDY
Ok. Yeah. Ok I will. Bye.
EDDY PUTS THE PHONE DOWN.
STEVE
Who was that?
EDDY
My Mum. She rang to tell me Greg
is dead.
STEVE
Oh. Sorry mate... Was he your
uncle or something?
EDDY
My cat.
STEVE
Oh. Sorry still, I guess.
EDDY
Don't be, he was a knob. Why are
you all dressed up?
STEVE
I'm going out or a drink with
Kelly.
EDDY
(Sits up, alarmed)Who's Kelly??
STEVE
A new girl at work.
EDDY SIGHS AND SITTING BACK, SHAKES HIS HEAD.
STEVE
What?
EDDY
Just be careful my friend.
THE DOORBELL RINGS. STEVE GETS UP AND GOES TO ANSWER IT.
EDDY STRETCHES, SCRATCHES HIS BALLS AND USES THE REMOTE TO
TURN THE TV ON. HE HAS A SATISFIED SMILE ON HIS FACE.
THE DOOR OPENS AND STEVE WALKS BACK IN, WITH A GIRL (KELLY)
IN TOW. EDDY LOOKS UP AT STEVE, THEN TAKES A DOUBLE TAKE AS
HE SEES KELLY. HE SITS UP STRAIGHT, WIDE EYED AND LOOKING
INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
STEVE
Kelly, this is my housemate Eddy.
Err, I just need to go and get my
coat. Have a seat, Kelly.
EDDY LOOKS SHOCKED, BUT GIVES KELLY A STRAINED SMILE AS SHE
SITS DOWN. KELLY LOOKS EQUALLY UNEASY. SHE COUGHS. THEY SIT
IN SILENCE, WATCHING THE TELEVISION. DEAL OR NO DEAL IS ON.
AFTER A WHILE, EDDY SPEAKS.
EDDY
No deal.
KELLY
Sorry?
EDDY
(Points at the TV)He should say no
deal.
KELLY
(laughs politely)
STEVE COMES BACK IN.
STEVE
Ready?
KELLY GETS UP UNNATURALLY QUICKLY AND LEAVES THE ROOM. EDDY
BECKONS STEVE OVER. HE LOOKS ANGRY.
STEVE
What? What's that smell??
EDDY
You could have told me she was
coming in!
STEVE COVERS HIS NOSE WITH HIS SHIRT.
STEVE
You did that while she was in
here??
EDDY
No, before! You didn't warn me!
STEVE
I shouldn't have to warn you!
EDDY
It was awful. She clocked it
straight away, I could tell. I
tried to talk but it was too late.
She hates me.
STEVE
She doesn't hate you. I'm sure she
didn't even notice. I'm going, see
you later.
EDDY LOOKS AT STEVE WITH AN EYEBROW RAISED. HE KNOWS VERY
WELL SHE NOTICED.
EDDY
Bye.
STEVE LEAVES, AND YOU HEAR THE FRONT DOOR CLOSE. EDDY GOES
BACK TO WATCHING THE TV.
EDDY
No deal!
THE SATISFIED SMILE RETURNS. MOMENTS LATER, THE FRONT DOOR
REOPENS, AND STEVE COMES RUNNING IN. HE PICKS UP HIS MOBILE
PHONE OFF THE COFFEE TABLE. HE SCRUNCHES UP HIS FACE, AND
THE SHIRT COMES OVER HIS NOSE AGAIN.
STEVE
Have you done it again??
EDDY SMIRKS.
EDDY
Oh God yeah.
STEVE RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM.
THE END.
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Sorry for the long post!
