Narrow Minds

1 INT: LIVING ROOM. NIGHT.

Dinner party scene. 5 people are seated around a table with glasses of wine in front of them. The hosts MARGARET and LIAM are seated at either end of the table. Another couple SUZANNE and JEREMY are seated next to one another and across from DAVE.

SUZANNE
Listen to this for an embarrassing story. In work the other day I was congratulating my team because we had somehow met our deadline.

MARGARET
Oh yeah, you were really worried about that.

SUZANNE
Right. I mean I don't know how we did it, so many things had gone wrong at the start and we had to basically start from scratch to design the entire new winter line in just a few weeks. So we were delighted with ourselves when we got it in on time and had done a good job of it too if I do say so myself. Anyway, when I was speaking to my team I just blurted out "Well done guys. You must have worked like blacks to finish it on time." And who happened to be walking by at that moment but James, the only black person in the office. I was mortified.

LIAM
Was he angry? What did he say?

SUZANNE
He stormed off before I could explain or even apologise.

LIAM
Would he really take offence though? It is just a saying after all.

JEREMY
Well, it is a bit old fashioned in this day and age.

SUZANNE
Exactly, it sounds racist, makes me sound like a racist. I don't want people in the office to think that about me.

DAVE becomes evidently uncomfortable and embarrassed.

DAVE
Ooh, this is awkward.

MARGARET
Oh no Dave, she didn't mean it like that.

DAVE
No no, she made her views clear. I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me.

DAVE gets up to go

DAVE
Margaret, Liam, thank you very much for a lovely evening. I'll see myself out

MARGARET
Bye Dave. I'll see you for lunch sometime next week.

LIAM
See you Dave thanks for coming

DAVE leaves

SUZANNE
Was it something I said?

MARGARET
Well, Dave's a racist

MARGARET
Oh my god, I didn't know! Why didn't you stop me? I must have sounded so bigoted, I mean narrow minded. I really should apologise.

SUZANNE gets up and goes after DAVE

2.EXT: STREET. NIGHT.

SUZANNE goes into the street where she sees DAVE walking away from the house.

MARGARET
Dave! Hold on!

DAVE stops. MARGARET catches up to him.

MARGARET
I'm sorry about what I said. I had no idea about your views.

DAVE
No really its fine. You made your position clear about me and my kind.

SUZANNE
No but I don't judge people based on irrelevent things like what they think, really.
Can you forgive me.

DAVE
Oh, alright then. I suppose i'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

They hug.

MARGARET
Oh, I'm so sorry. I know how hard it can be when people judge you like that, being Jewish and all.

DAVE pushes her away in disgust.

DAVE
Ugh! A filthy Jew!?

DAVE brushes himself down from the hug and shudders.

DAVE
That's the last time I go to one of Margaret and Liams's parties.

DAVE walks away down the street. He makes eye contact with a black man walking in the opposite direction on the other side of the street and Nazi salutes him.

DAVE
(In German accent)
Heil Hitler!

I loved the first half. I think you should have ended it there. Noth that the second part wasn't good, it just wasn't needed for me.

Yeah I agree, the first half is excellent and the second half seems weaker coming after such a strong start.

Hi Don,

I agree with the others, the first half was brilliant, a great twist on the norm and I was hooked. Personally, I hate Hitler jokes, they are so cliché, I know others will disagree with me on that point but I think they've been done ad-nauseum.

I really liked the dialogue and the characters developed well, I think you could come up with a better end.

I kinda like the idea. It's a nice twist, but that's all it is at the minute. The first half contains too much exposition with too many questions being asked about Suzanne's story. Also, I agree with Bushbaby that there's not enough big laughs along the way. Maybe cut it down by half and concentrate on the point of the sketch a bit more.

BB, it's not fair to post your comments on Don's thread. He's new and deserves feedback on his work without you going off topic.

Can I suggest you bring this up with a mod, or create a new thread where you can say what you feel about the standards of sketches posted?

Nice ideas in this. But concentrate on the dinner party and ditch the street stuff. And push the idea further and take it to more absurdist extremes.

Quote: AngieBaby @ September 16 2010, 10:43 PM BST

BB, it's not fair to post your comments on Don's thread. He's new and deserves feedback on his work without you going off topic.

Can I suggest you bring this up with a mod, or create a new thread where you can say what you feel about the standards of sketches posted?

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Yes I agree with you Angiebabe, I am not getting at Don personally, I am just getting frustrated as to what comedy is or isn't.
Sorry Don, nothing personal

Thanks for those responses.

That's grand bushbaby I wouldn't take that criticism personally I'd say we just have different visions of what comedy is and it should be discussed elsewhere. But as far as this sketch goes the beginning was supposed to seem like it was just a normal dinner party so the guy being racist and everyone being okay with it and afraid to offend him is the only ridiculous thing, I don't think it would have the same weight if every other line up to then was a gag.

Really surprised by other posts cos I really liked the second half but I might rethink it now. Cheers for the feedback.

"SUZANNE
Exactly, it sounds racist, makes me sound like a racist. I don't want people in the office to think that about me."

I might have added her saying how much she hates Racists or being rude about them in some way at this point.

Anyway
I thought it was a brilliant idea, although a hard one to pull off.
But you did quite a good job in my opinion.
Definitely worth trying to rewrite/rethink it slightly