THE LEGEND OF BILLY LAMPOST.
TWO TEENAGERS, KEVIN AND PHILIP ARE VISITING THEIR GRANDPARENTS. THE TWO ARE DISCUSSING THEIR FAVOURITE FOOTBALL TEAM.
KEVIN:
My favourite player would be Simon Asbond. All-time record goal scorer for Ashton Town.
PHILIP:
I think Andy Wood was brilliant and Sandy Tamling back in the day.
THEIR GRANDFATHER WALKS IN...
GRANDAD:
Ooh aye lads, ooh aye. (ADDRESSING KEVIN) You lad, run out to the kitchen and help you grandmother with tea.
G'DAD:
I hear you talkin' 'bout the football and all those players are very good but you failed to mention the greatest player ever to play for Ashton Rovers and he only ever played in one final, Billy Lampost.
CUT TO OLD FOOTAGE OF BILLY RUNNING UP TO THE BALL AND PUTS HIS FOOT ON IT STANDING PROUDLY.
PHIL:
Who?
G'DAD:
I was thinking you'd say that. Billy Lampost played in the classic final of '35 against our fiercest rivals, Ashton Rovers. He scored 5 goals in our 4 - 3 win. He was a player ahead of his time...
CUT TO BILLY LISTENING TO IPOD AND TEXTING ON HIS MOBILE.
...He was the fastest player I've e'er seen. He could run the 100 metres... whenever he wanted.
With 10 minutes to go in Cup Final Billy got punched in toe and had to hobble off.
CUT TO BILLY RUNNING WITH THE BALL AND A DEFENDER PUNCHES BILLY IN THE TOE AS HE ATTEMPTS TO GO PAST HIM. BILLY FALLS TO THE GROUND CLUTCHING HIS FOOT.
He had to go and see a medical team. The medical team were not so good.
(GRANDAD NOTICES PHILIP IS LOSING INTEREST AND STARTS TO BECOME A LITTLE MORE ANIMATED)
I said they were not so good lads! They put his leg in a sling lads (close to tears) his leg in a sling..
CLIP OF BILLY HOBBLING WITH A STICK. ONE LEG IS IN A SLING.
He never played again...never played again.
(Injecting more life into his story)
Oh he had his aspirations though. He had aspirations to build a farm as big as a barn, maybe even a farm on the barn. A two storey farm.
When he learned he'd never play again he took the news very hard. He started drinking heavily, mainly milk. On this particular night he stumbled out of creamery at half 3 in the morning and just ran.... He was never seen again.
CUT TO BILLY STUMBLING OUT OF CREAMERY WITH A GLASS OF MILK IN HIS HAND. THEN SPRINTING OFF INTO THE DARKNESS.
Some people say he ran under a bus, others say he ran over a bus and others say he ran onto it and ended up living out his days bog snorkling out in some foreign land... Cancun maybe.
Another theory is, that he did'nt.
Some say he ran for 5 days straight. Ran to the ends of the earth and fell off the horizon.
Others say his followed his dream, bought a few cows and built his farm with his own two feet.
One things for sure lads. Whatever they say about Billy Lampost. He was a heck of a footballer, could run like the wind and he was one milky bastard! Ooh aye.
END.
