NJ: Naomi Campbell

Did post it at the time but then got paranoid and thought it could be libelous or some other legal thing-a-me-bob. But hey, it's just a sketch.

MILESiamonds are a girl's best friend, so much so, that girls will do anything for them, even if that means not cooperating with a UN backed war crimes trial. Fortunately we jumped into the Newsjack time machine, which only just past it's recent MOT, to see if there will be cooperation at the Special Court for Sierra Leone.

PROSECUTOR:Ms Campbell, you are under oath and...

NAOMI: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the drill.

PROSECUTOR:Very well. Then let us start proceedings; after all we are two hours late.

NAOMI: Yeah, sorry about that, trouble with my hair.

PROSECUTORid you have dinner with Charles Taylor, the President of Liberia, in 1997 at a function hosted by Nelson Mandela?

NAOMI: I've never heard of this Librarian. I don't even read books. I'm a supermodel don't you know. You can't walk and read at the same time.

PROSECUTOR:But we have a recording that would suggest otherwise. Play the tape.

FXLAY BUTTON PRESSED

CHARLESsst! Naomi, I've got something for you.

NAOMI: Yeah, I bet you have. Do you think I'm stupid, I'm a supermodel, don't you know.

CHARLES:No, no, it is not like that. I am the President of Liberia and would like to give you some diamonds.

NAOMI: Give them to me, give 'em, give 'em. (VERY DEEP MENACING VOICE) Give them to me.

CHARLES:I cannot give them to you here. It is too dangerous. Can I visit you in the middle of the night

NAOMI: Are you crazy?

CHARLESlease, we are trying to eliminate that image of my kind.

NAOMI: I've never heard of that prejudice before. I mean, I know no one thinks I'm mental.

CHARLES:No, I meant African leaders. Unfortunately people think we are all despotic dictators, you know, slightly mad, slightly corrupt, slightly murderous. Even partial to a bit of cannibalism, not me though, definitely not, doesn't agree with me. They think we are just criminals.

FX:TAPE RUNS OUT AND STOPS

PROSECUTOR:What do you say to this?

NAOMI: Well, I don't know many African leaders. I know Nelson and he's been in prison, so it could be true.

PROSECUTOR:No, Ms Campbell. Do you still deny you have met Charles Taylor? Do you still deny you have ever received blood diamonds from Charles Taylor? The kind that destroy countries like Sierra Leone and the Congo.

NAOMI: The Congo? Where they make Um Bongo?

PROSECUTOR:Your Honour, may I have permission to treat Ms Campbell as a hostile witness?

NAOMI: Hostile? I'll give you hostile.

PROSECUTORhe's got a phone; she's got a phone. Guards! Put the phone down Ms Campbell, no one has to get hurt.