Quote: lofthouse @ May 14 2011, 11:07 AM BSTStylee TingTing is my heroine. I just so LOVE her work! Pure awe.. oh well.. back to my knitting..
Make an unfounded claim about the poster above you Page 84
Stylee TingTing is Mario Ballotelli's etiquette coach.
Tuumble invented a new cocktail called The friggin bloody awful dry butt f**k up against a wall.
It's nastehhhh
lofthouse appears in the closing credits to What Ever Happened To The Likely Lads. Amongst the pathos driven scenes of children playing in the ruins of Bob and Terry's childhood homes we see carefree children playing on a low wall.
They were in fact paid lookouts for lofthouse who was fingering Dirty Debbie for a Sherbet Dib-Dab. (She did share it with him - disliking liquorice he used his previously moistened finger)
80's one-hit wonder Joe Dolce, of 'Shadupaya face' fame, meets Will Cam once every two weeks in their secret 6'x4' budget apex waney-lap shed - where they crochet all manner of fancy table decorations and tablecloths. You must know that this liaison is most defintiely NOT of a sexual kind though! A medley of 70s and 80s classics plays constantly in the background to help these busy bees crochet away to their hearts' content. However, poor Joe's arthritic and chunky sausage-like fingers are no match for Will's nimble dexterity. All of this surely begs the question - what the f**k can Will Cam not do?
Juan Kerr is Donald Trump's uroligist.
Tuumble and Frank Muir wore each other's trousers every friday for 4 years.
Imagine that?
Will Cam indulges in a bizarre form of night fishing down at his local canal.
He smears the tip of his penis with cat food and dangles it into the water. Then he waits. And waits.
He never catches any fish.
But he doesn't mind.
Disgraceful....
Brynner, McQueen, Bronson, Coburn, Vaughn, Dexter, Buchholz and Lofthouse.
Yes, the Magnificent 7 were initially the Magnificent 8. As we know they all had their own unique skills which they used admirably in order to protect the persecuted Mexican villagers from their sworn enemy - Calvera. Lofthouse's expertise was his ability to project, by hand with pinpoint accuracy, his own faeces. He could unsaddle a bandit from 100 yards with this skill. Britt (James Coburn), fast and deadly with his switchblade then moved in for the kill. It was all going so well.....
Unfortunately he was blackballed by the rest of the intrepid gang when they caught him pissing in their canteens after a tequilla slammer session (some say it wasn't actually piss - but I can't honestly comment)
I just did a sick burp after eating a Ginsters pasty. I rang their Customer Service Department to complain and f**k me if Juan Kerr wasn't on his first day in the job.
Obviously not experienced enough to deviate from the drop-down menu his response to my perfectly reasoned complaint is transcribed below:
WC
Listen here c**t, what the f**k do you put in those pasties
JK
Thank you for calling Ginsters, I am sorry if our product didn't.....
WC
Shut up ballbag! send me 2 years free pasties or Anne Robinson is gonna hear about this shit. And none of that lattice topped eco-veggie shite.
JK
Thank you for calling Ginsters, I am sorry if our products didn't.....
WC
F**k, c**t, bastard, f**ker.
End
Honestly, what are these big companies taking on these days?
Will Cam is president of the Obscene English Society
Tuumble tours the sleepy hamlet of Furzehill in Devon each evening at dusk. He knocks on everyones' door and reminds them, via the medium of mime, that he is a c**t. Funnily enough the residents feel that the mime action is unnecessary.
Juan Kerr carries around a very smally picturette of a spaniel being raped by John Noakes.
What would Shep say 
Will Cam's new Domestic violence help-centre hasnt got off to the best of starts. Lessons in how best to drunkenly head-butt the missus, and how to gain maximum impact with a powerful uppercut to her jaw after a night on the lash, have been slammed by various public bodies. Let's be fair - he's a f**kwit.
PS The Spaniel was totally compliant..AND Noakesy 'rubbered up' too.
Juan Kerr is having a secret affair with the entire starting eleven of an unknown Premiership football team.
I'm banned from revealing the name of the team due to legal threats.
But I don't care - its Wigan Athletic.
You dirty, dirty bastard.
Think of your poor wife.