Lofthouse thinks everyone is gay, so wears protective underpants at all times.
He has a strange habit of leaving a room backwards, just incase.
Fears all shades of pink, and hates the name Dorothy.
Make an unfounded claim about the poster above you Page 82
dellas is a melon farmer
yup
melons
big ones
big old melony melons
Lofthouse swam to the bottom of the ocean to cut off Bin Laden's beard and use it as his own
In 1992 Shaggy292 was officially given grade II listed building status.
Roscoff
Or the Roscoff 4000 to use it's real title
Was sent from the future back to 2011.
But can't quite remember why.
Was abandoned as a baby and brought up by a family of pot bellied pigs.
Even today he still gives off a feint aroma of pork.
Having read in Woman's Own that fake breasts were considered by many, along with labial trimming, to enhance sexual attraction, Lofthouse said 'F**k it' and spent his entire life savings (earmarked for a 'dogging for beginners' weekend course)on getting the work done.
Owing to a lack of fanny flaps, the doc did him a deal He trimmed Lofthouse's fleshy ear lobes AND repositioned them snugly around his anus - all for the same price.
The tits look great, and the steel ear studs still remain too.
However he, seedily, trawls the streets of Farnworth nightly - but STILL can't get a jump. 
In preparation for a job interview at his local greengrocer, Juan Kerr swotted-up by reading 'Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit'. When he started rambling on about lesbian exorcisms he was politely asked to leave.
Tim Walker is Lofthouse's sturgeon. Tim always wanted to be a doctor or surgeon, or in fact, anything where he could cure people. Unfortunately the best he could manaage was sturgeon.
Lofthouse milks him every 18 months.
Juan Kerr is safe to be reintroduced to society.
Ran the New York marathon dressed as Osama Bin Laden chanting "Death to the infidels" and wearing a stars and stripes nappy
He was beaten up on average once every 200 yards
Lofthouse acquired his superpowers when he was bitten by a radioactive attic.
Big Jack was charged for being drunk and disobedient in charge of a fruit bowl. He fled to Argentina in a 1971 Vauxhall Viva only to get diverted to Hitchin due to unexpected contraflow on the Stevenage one way system. He was last seen buying fags in town's red light district.
Tuumble booked a holiday to Kettering only to find they had moved the beach 200 miles to Lowestoft, undeterred he pitched his tent on Brent bypass roundabout.
Luckily there was a Macdonalds and Beefeater in locality so he could wash and generally have an amazing holiday.
Dellas has become increasingly right wing in recent years.
So much so in fact, that she is seriously considering changing her name by deed poll to Doctor Joseph Mengele.
She's as mad as a cheese sandwich that girl!