In 1984 Sooty ran for president of the Cayman Islands. He came last out of one.
Make an unfounded claim about the poster above you Page 81
Roscoff may or may not be a genius, but he did spell penis wrong in his signature. Not that he is a penis, he just has a fondness for profanity.
Vader annoys the hell out of everyone down his local gym by making 'Six Million Dollar Man' bionic sounds every time he lifts some weights
1 Across: Me, a wall-flower? Could be a funny guy. (4)
Has a pet pigeon called Kevin.
Lofthouse pitched his 'Gobi Desert Canoe Club' business idea to the Dragons Den - unfortunately they told him to f**k off.
Juan Kerr was Jim Morrisons secret homosexual lover.
He used to kiss him on the mouth and touch his bum and EVERYTHING.
Lofthouse, Lofthouse I declare
I can see your underwear.
Is it black or is it blue?
Oh my gosh - it's see through!
Big Jack has a cousin called Little John.
There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's roscoff.
Will Cam lives next door to popular physicist Brian Cox. He went around there the other day positively wetting himself with excitement. He told Cox that he'd found a rare topological feature of spacetime in his back garden, and wanted him to come and take a look. When he saw it, Cox's rictus grin momentarily flickered. Normal service was soon resumed though, and Cox calmly explained to Will that what he was looking at were perfectly normal wormholes caused by worms.
What did Hilary Clinton REALLY see?
The US Secretary of State's eyes are wide with fright in the Situation Room. She holds a trembling hand to her mouth, as if to stifle a terrified gasp. Some say it was the sight of Osama Bin Laden being savagely gunned to death by US Navy Seals. Others aren't so sure....Well surely nothing so insignificant could faze such a tough cookie?....
Actually her horror was the sight of a naked, and very excited, Ishy, on webcam. After a savage and ugly 20 minute struggle, she observes him finally 'rubbered up' with the plucky, yet exhausted, adult Wild Boar pinned face down in the mud - before it meets its gruesome fate.
Other hardened security team members in the room are known to have been physically sick following this, and many were also refered for counselling after witnessing this gory beastial peep-show.
Juan prepared himself carefully for the Royal Wedding, first had a new perm.
Then he bought a nice new floral dress, in yellow, as he'd researched the Queen was wearing similar.
As for undies he always goes to Oxfam, likes the thought of recycled knickers.
He shut the curtains for privacy, then set about pleasuring himself to the point of orgasm, when Kate said 'I do'.
Upon realising her moniker was an anagram of ladles, and that she didnt even know anyone called Moniker, Dellas took herself to the Spoon Appreciation Club & poured her heart out.
Hid Osama Bin Laden in their airing cupboard for three months in 2007.
They had to ask him to leave in the end as he insisted playing his ZZ Top LP until all bloody hours of the day.
Never hide Islamic terrorists in your house. It's not worth the hassle.
Apart from anything else they will insist on trimming their beards in the kitchen sink.