British Comedy Guide

Make an unfounded claim about the poster above you Page 61

Alfred J Kipper has one head longer than the other.

The Rumble in the Jungle was one of the fights of the Century.
Not to be confused with the Tuumble in the Bungle
Which is the incident that lead to Rainbow being taken off air.

Steve was sacked from Sunshine duty in the tellytubbies because of sexist remarks against Po.

Bigfella's profile picture is a still from the leaked footage of his sexist behaviour whilst working as a presenter on Monday Night Jousting, which lead to his sacking this week.

Bigfella (Pointing with his right hand): "Charlotte, can you help me tuck this chicken leg in here?"

Big Jack is Big Ben's love child. Apparently he has a very impressive dong.

Alfred J Kipper designed Dukla Prague's away kit for the 1986-87 season. He is also half man half biscuit.

Tuumble is Andy Murray's gurning coach.

Big Jack was the producers first choice to play Boo-Boo in the new Yogi Bear movie. Unfortunately he was still under contract to Schlong-Suckers Film Studios.

As I type this, Will Cam is taking Fernando Torres, on his motorbike, from Liverpool to London in order to sign for Chelsea. Actually Nando is ensconced in Will's sidecar of his classic 50s bike, eating chorizo and fudge. What no one knows yet is that Will is going to turn off the M40 near Marlow and imprison Snr Torres in his secret 'love shack' (a 6'x4' Shiplap garden shed from B and Q). Torres will never be seen again in public - he will remain Will's sex plaything for ever. The 'Torres' who will be revealed tomorrow at the signing ceremony will be none other than Will's barber, Ken, in disguise. It will only become obvious that Ken is an imposter when 'Nando' turns out on Sunday - ironically against Liverpool - and plays like a right c**t.

When Juan Kerr saw the Transfer deadline looming he rushed out & bought himself a stick on Tattoo of an Anchor.

Steve Sunshine has become Richard Key's resident house-bitch. Keysy just loves it when Steve dresses in drag and allows himself to be berated in a sexually demeaning and degrading manner.

Juan Kerr does have other jokes, you know, which don't involve boy on boy action.

Big Jack has a lot of strings to his bow - he plays second fiddle in the Dortmund Symphony Orchestra.

Tuumble is texting my Dad... naughty things.

Elliejp owns all the Brannets in the world. whats a Branett? Its a member of the citrus fruit family, lemon-shaped, yet slightly larger than and orange, and pale pink in colour. No one has ever seen one before - because Ellie owns them all.

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