Juan Kerr has an apartment in Mogadishu which doubles as the Libyan Embassey at weekends
Make an unfounded claim about the poster above you Page 53
Tuumble believes that Polos are tiny halos from mint angels, killed in the eternal struggle against the evil demon Beelzehumbug
Ishy leads where others follow (he is a rat catcher dear boy).
Will Cam is to play the part of 'Wardrobe' in the Port Sunlight Round Table's production of Ben Hur this Spring.
Currently, the only thing stopping Liverpool City Council from pulling down Ringo Starr's former Terraced house is Tuumble's insistence that he won the house in a game of cards with the Beatles at Michael Barrymore's coming out party
Will Cam entered the London Marathon dressed as a Jousting Knight & during the race managed to knock Bernie Clifton off his Ostrich.
Steve's mum does mum jokes about herself.
Godot Taxis got a surgical truss for Christmas, in order to becalm a rupture incurred after he challenged his local WI to a ham shank throwing competition
After receiving Kim and Aggie's 'How clean is your house?' book for Christmas, Ishy has decided, very reluctantly, that 2011 will be the year to make domestic hygiene a priority. After sand-blasting his pungent,crispy mattress, and chiselling the toilet pan clean, Ishy is finally going to eradicate the long-standing problem of flies being in the kitchen - by shitting in his living room.
Juan Kerr starts in his own Border TV show 'Kerr around the Borders'.
This weeks episode sees Juan basket weaving in Peebles
Will Cam's navel fluff added to a solution of battery acid, HP Sauce and Bird's butterscotch Instant Whip is (surprisingly) a cure for bovine distemper.
Tuumble has bummer fantasies about Hartley Hare.
Will Cam's new mobile enema service for small domestic pets has got off to a flying start! Dick and Dom's Abysinnian Guinea Pig was constipated - sorted! Ditto with Joe Longthorne's Russian dwarf hamster. Hats off to Will for providing such a valuable service for our Z-list celebrities and their tiny mammals.
Despite his name, Juan Kerr does not like people of foreign persuasion and spends his spare time ridding lorries of illegal immigrants with the use of of a truck lift and a flamethrower a la The Fifth Element
Schwen has sole responsibility for blinding all newborn moles north of Ipswich.