British Comedy Guide

Make an unfounded claim about the poster above you Page 44

According to chartered surveyor Alfred J Kipper at www.AlfredJKipper.com, it's time to protect your home for the winter. You should; check the roofs for broken or missing tiles or slates and other damage; clear out leaves, moss and debris from rainwater gutters, downpipes and gullies and reset any displaced joints; check the insulation and consider increasing it

Also, have the boiler and heating serviced and check that all thermostats and programmers are working and set at a sensible temperature; ensure outside doors and the windows fit well and consider fitting draught-proofing strips where there are gaps between the frames.

Draw curtains after dark and use thicker ones if windows are single-glazed; keep south-facing curtains open during the day to take advantage of the sunshine which will help heat the house; check the woodwork on windows and repair now if necessary; check the paintwork on the window frames and redecorate before the weather deteriorates.Kipper also strongly advises you keep your pubes trimmed to a sensible length.

Alfred J Kipper has an artificial sphincter made from a rabbit's eyelids (he wants them back)

Will - I should be the one with the artificial sphincter - not AJK!!

However.....

NASA scientists discovered in the 80s that a combination of Will Cam's notoriously flaky scrotum skin and pop crooner, Neil Diamond's, saliva (don't ask) is the world's most thermally efficient compound. It can now be revealed that this compound has revolutionised rocket science completely.
Each December, Will and Neil are invited to the Houston HQ of NASA to partake in their Holiday celebrations. Neil sings a medley of his top tunes, whilst Will distributes autographed packets of his flaky scrotum skin to NASA employees and their families.

Juan Kerr is a secret base jumper who has been refused life insurance by everyone because of his insane adrenalin addicted recklessness. His most darng descent yet is jumping off the toilet seat in his bathroom.

Alfy Kipp's©, previous job was as 'Head of pussy shaving' at ShavenPussies-R-Us, a pubic hair removal service for 18-25 year old ladies. His elevated position within the organisation allowed him to cherry pick his clients . He hated it so much that he ran away and became a septic tank cleaner in Blackpool - earning half his previous salary, yet working double the hours.

Juan Kerr aAlfred J Kipper and Will Cam are not the only people sad enough to post on this thread

Quote: Will Cam @ October 21 2010, 6:34 PM BST

Juan Kerr aAlfred J Kipper and Will Cam are not the only people sad enough to post on this thread

You are so wrong. Errr

Rob H has fallen into the trap :P

Rob H started the Spanish civil war by calling franco a chicken.

Will Cam's secret identity is as a Morrison's value brand salted cashew nut.

Tuumble has a key hole on his body somewhere which only the key that hangs around the Queen's neck can open.

Quote: EllieJP @ October 22 2010, 9:11 AM BST

Tuumble has a key hole on his body somewhere which only the key that hangs around the Queen's neck can open.

Ellie is 80% whimsy (20% chesty).

Quote: David Bussell @ October 22 2010, 10:48 AM BST

Ellie is 80% whimsy (20% chesty).

Only 20%?

Bussell is Godot Taxi's tennis partner

Tuumble plays the mamba, listen to the radio. Dont' you remember
He built this city, he built this city on rock and roll

You f**king c**t, I don't play tennis. I haven't even got any shorts.

Tuumble asks tramps for money.

Godot Taxis once opened up a restaurant where all they sold were banana based meals.

Share this page