Juan Kerr was once crossed with a poodle to make a Kerrpoo. It doesn't shed hair which makes it popular with wheezy bastards and gay lars.
Make an unfounded claim about the poster above you Page 40
Juan Kerr drives a 1981 Austin Metro 1.3 A-Series Straight-4 turbo in metalic poo.
Tuumble is always 4 minutes behind Will Cam.
Will Cam has been appointed by David Cameron to head up a government think-tank on making the UK the masturbation capital of the world. As ever with these things, experts in their field are always approached first. Its a great opportunity for Will - who has grabbed it with both hands and will get as much out of it as possible. We're sure he'll pull it off!
Visit Will's web site www.wank.com
He's going to be so busy, he reluctantly has to sell it.
Let's face it. Life as we know it is hard enough without the Gummy Bears sending out unsolicited mail.
"We can paint your house in a breathable coat, guaranteed for 25 years"
"Need a loan? We can have the cash in your bank by 1pm"
"Buy one of our windows, get one free"
Who would have been stupid enough to grant a permit to post to such objectionable creature? Juan Kerr, that's who. Stinking Jelly fruit (Jelfru) lover.
Kerr - my sister is allergic to builder's dust - it's all your fault!
Will Cam likes to join the post office queue on pension day because he really, really likes blue muff.
We all know that many women like a bit of rough. Well that fact would account for Charley - who likes a lot - being caught in bed with err 'one or two friends' recently. Included in the crowd scene (8 bodies - no names no pack drill) were Tommy of 'Groundforce' fame, Wolf, formerly of Gladiators, and Wayne Rooney. As a result, Tommy won't be filling any more holes soon, Wolf is receiving medical attention and rape counselling - and Wayne is having cream applied by Juicy Jenny in Manchester's Lowry Hotel. That Charley sure can shag the boys!
Juan Kerr managed to fit his whole right leg in his mouth.
Ellie has a record-breaking thirty-seven nipples on her body.
Chiplolata was shot in the scrotum by Bob Monkhouse while appearing as a contestant on The Golden Shot. Monkhouse denied it was in revenge for him not laughing at his immaculate and well rehaersed jokes and blamed it on a faulty trigger. He was not charged.
Alfred J Kipper was the result of a scientific experiment involving little test tubes of liquidised pumice stone, soya milk and an 1896 edition of the Pear's Encyclopedia.
'Tuumble' was the very first word defined on housewives' favourite 'Call my Bluff' in 1965.
Frank Muir pronounced it Term-bell and described it as the clicking noise a mouse's spine makes when it craws through a hole the diameter of a pencil.
The other two possible meanings were described as:
1)A 16th centuary Spanish balloon forger
2)Glue made from the boiled bones of dead convicts in early Australia.
I never watched the show because I wasn't born. So I can't tell you the correct answer. If you are that bothered, look it up on Wikishite.
Will Cam was Britain's great fool. He was the little man who managed to get himself into terrible trouble and we would laugh at him.
Yet we all loved that fool. We wanted him to win against authority and we wanted him to get the girl. And deep down we all knew there was a little bit of Will Cam in all of us.
It is amazing looking back at how innocent his films were. If you look at his movies like Trouble in Store they really are museum pieces. They were amazingly open, straightforward charming stories. Will Cam would fall about a lot and we would all laugh.
He became a star at a time after the war when light relief and light entertainment were wanted. People were after something straight down the line that was honest and decent. And Will Cam fitted the bill perfectly.
He had a very Dickensian childhood and that informed his view of what he wanted to do. He was in a children's home by the age of 11 and always very small for his age. He had to fight for everything in his life. Not surprisingly, he saw himself as the underdog - and so he always wanted to play one.
His life had every element of tragedy and yet he was a one-man symbol of survival.
He was a formidable entertainer. Physically he might have been slight but as a performer he was astonishing and very skilled at slapstick.
I saw Will Cam on stage many times and he was an incredible presence. I did a show with him at the Mermaid Theatre in London. It was a few years ago and he wasn't a young man even then. But Will Cam came on stage to enormous applause and then went to perch on the piano, but kept slipping off. So he went back to the side of the stage and took a run at the piano.
He dived, slid right across the top at speed and fell down the other side to enormous applause. There was no mattress or any cushioning on the other side, nothing to break his fall. But he got up to huge laughter.
I thought - you really are something.
Will Cam f**ks chickens.