Alfred J took his surname from the fact that his family name is Kyyper - a name of dutch origin. As this name sounded far too sophisticated for a man of Alfred's common demeanour, he therefore changed it to kipper. It was a very relevant choice - as it resonates with the fact that he smells, smokes heavily, is wet and slimy and is often devoured by manky whiffy pussies.
Juan Kerr lost his winkel after getting it caught in a bearded scallop while on holiday in Bognor Regis last year. He had only meant to lose his cherry.
Alfred J Kipper is an anagram of 'Oh what a complete prick I've turned out to be - what a total f**kwit!'
You might have heard the recent story of the ELO musician who was killed in a freak accident when a large roll of hay crushed his vehicle? Juan Kerr had nothing to do with that but tells girls on the bus that he did. He often confuses kudos with everything.
In the 1966 World cup final, Nobby Stiles injured himself pre-match, whilst masturbating with Jack Charlton. In order to quell a possibly national outrage, Sir Alf Ramsey instructed Will Cam to dress up in a Nobby Stiles oufit.
The outfit zipped up at the back and for 120 minutes, Will, a.k.a. Nobby, ran around the field like a demon to ensure the cup was ours. Everytime I see Nobby now I think 'cheat!'. Will saved the day.
Juan Kerr 2 - West Ham 3
Will Cam rapes oranges & they are not the only fruit.
Ever since Charley accidentally shagged Derren Brown she has to stand up and sing 'I've got a luvverly bunch of coconuts' everytime she orgasms.
On the tourettes swearing scale Roscoff comes above Pissoff but below f**koff
Very nice.
Will Cam is the Brummie for "to ejacualate."
Sootyj puts the C,u and n into Cunard (he kept the T for himself)
Will Cam sleeps in the same bed as the Beckhams. They are not aware of this yet because the bed is so big. In fact Will actually lives in the bed 24/7 - at the bottom - and often invites friends over for drinks. Last week Bonnie Langford popped by and whilst there she helped Will to give Davids 'tackle' a quick trim - as one does.
Juan Ker buys lollipops for labradors.
Charley is an approved testing station for Anne summers vibrators. The old penetrating 'shagomatic' machine broke down, Charley stepped in, and boy - are they pleased?
She tests double the amount of sex toys per day than any mechanical device could - and she accepts only a matchbox full of currants every 3 weeks in pay. She just love dem dildos!
Juan Kerr is such a wild boy he once stayed on a train one stop longer than his usual designated departure point just because he could. And it's said in local folklore that he once went twice around a roundabout. Most people find this too fantastical however to have any grounds in actual fact.