Lofthouse holds the Guiness World Record for listing the most human anus euphemisms in under a minute. He beat the previous record by one, after he fired off "Chocolate Eye" just as the minute hand ticked over.
Make an unfounded claim about the poster above you Page 107
Ishy loves to kick back on a rainy day an think of all the prostitutes he has burried under the patio.
Will Cam spent is a master calligrapher. He spent years training under the great Pierre Mumbles, a man whose penwork was so achingly beautiful, it could make a grown men weep. When Pierre passed on, Will inherited his cherished, gold embossed, Moorehen feather quill which he used just recently to complete possibly his finest work, a sign for the local park that says 'Please bag your dog mess'
Ishy loves to get on down wiv da kids on da street and disply his dancing skills. Unfortunately the Bee Gees aren't very popular at The Ministry of Sound and neither are gyrating guys in white suits who accidentally knock their false teeth out with their medallions whilst doing the Spanish Hustle.
Juan Kerr is really a woman in a man's skin dressed in drag and he spends his day ensnaring poor tarantulas adnd placing them on littles girls' heads.
Bill Jaguar's business foray into Indian cookery ended sharply when, following lab analysis by the police, the precise ingredients of his Man-goo chutney was established
Juan Kerr is getting paid to spread rumours about people. Someone found a letter detailing this from RM. 
On Dragon's Den Bill Jaguar called Jonesy an arrogant gayboy puff, Meaden a peroxide sow with weight issues, Banatyne a f**kin tight Scottish bastard and Paphitis a jumped up whining four-eyed bubble. However he did have a knee trembler behind the warehouse with the new girl Hilary - and got the f**kin cash!
Now, I'm sure I gave the shopkeeper two fives and a tuppence. He said it was two fives a tuppence and a Juan Kerr and tried to give me a Juan Kerr back. That was the last thing I wanted so I put it straight into the life-size polio girl charity box.
Juan Kerr was born between 1990 and 1836, but has only lived for 1 minute in his life when he accidently shoplifted tampons out of neccessity, (he wished to find a brilliant way to humiliate chavs).
Bill Jaguar's avatar is actually a silhouette of his bell-end after he got a cotton bud stuck in it recently.
Juan Kerr's avatar is a 100% accurate depiction of his genitals and face.
Bill Jaguar works part time as a Fabio Capello look-a-like doing childrens parties, discos and hen nights. PM him for a quote and what else he has to offer
Goose24 got so high one night he was convinced God spoke to him and told him that he is the reincarnation of Noah.
He was told he had 30 days to build an Ark and to fill it with 2 of each species on the planet.
He managed to force a parrot, two gerbils, a wasp and next doors yorkshire terrier into his Ford Granada before giving up the search for the rest of the worlds fauna.
He parked the car on Morecambe beach and has now been waiting four months for the flooding to commence.
lofthouse lost his brains after he blew them out of his own head with a hair dryer.