lofthouse has fallen over on many occasions including his birthday, which is why he now celebrates them in a posthumous sense.
Make an unfounded claim about the poster above you Page 104
Bill hates eating vegetables but his wife insists he clears his plate before he leaves the table
he has now been at the dinner table for 13 hours with four brussel sprouts staring back at him on the plate
Bill Jaguar runs a business where he buys Paintings & then kills the artists to increase the value of his stock.
Steve Sunshine thinks his sun shines right out of some foreigner's jacksy. Any excuse to kill someone: "But he stole my sunshine sir".
Bill Jaguar's new pastime is sticking cheese labels on goats.
Juan Kerr is Gorgonzola for some reason, must have been a drunken night.
When Bill was young
He never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days have gone....
...as he sells his scabby, scrawny ass to any f**ker with the price of his next hit.
It is said that on the same night every year Bill Jaguar can sometimes be heard wandering the corridors of the haunted castle looking for head.
Juan Kerr and Big Jack put together form an uneven two thirds of what has come to be known as Chris Moyles. Add the dull, unfunniness of VAT returns and you have the whole large, boring thing.
Bill Jaguar spends every Monday night staring into the mirror and telling himself everthing he has done wrong with his life. The rest of the week he makes novelty keyrings that are several years out of date. He's currently working on his Mr Blobby and Wassssuupppp range. He intends to sell them to blind alcoholics.
Tom Jordan once ate a homeless person with ketchup. He was very lucky to find a homeless person already covered in ketchup.
Bill Jaguar's balls always point north.
Will Cam follows his testicles, mainly because they are on the run from him but mostly because he enjoys the freedom of not having to be a proper bloke.
Bill is so security conscious he keeps his car keys wedged up his dogs bottom and had his bank pin number permanently tattooed on his cats left buttock.
Why do I feel that I have heard this rumour before.
Lofthouse is the epitome of a mental. He sticks his fingers in Arsenal fans and then sticks the fans in his piano to sing for him at the strike of a key.