VO
In a recent UK case the judge was berrated for causing personal injury to the defendant....through the use of sarcasm. Where will this end? Possible on TV?
GRAMS Theme tune from COPS.
A HOUSE SOMEONE WHERE IN AMERICA LAND, SURROUNDED BY ARMED COPS A MAN HAS A WOMAN BY THROAT AND IS WAVING A KNIFE. THE CHIEF COP IS WAVING HIS SHOOTER.
ALL THIS IS FILMED ON WOBBILY STEADY CAM.
MAN WITH KNIFE
I'm gonna cut this cheating bitch another mouth.
CHIEF COP
I hate these domestics. Shoot the SOB through her shoulder, she might survive.
A POLICE CAR DRAWS UP
DR JUNG FREUD, AND 2 BRITISH COPS PC Beefy Yorskshire AND PC Denzil C**t LEAP OUT (BOTH Beefy AND C**twould appear to be traditional British coppers circa 1980s)
DR JF
Don't shoot! These are the specialists from the UK! They're the UK SWAT.
CHIEF COP
We don't need no God damn limey gunsels!
BEEFY(TO CHIEF COP)
We don't need shooters lad. Now fetch us a cup of tea..and a pie.
DENZIL(TO MAN WITH KNIFE)
Oi mush is that a 3 inch knife? Bet that's the biggest prick you've threatened her with.
DR JF
The Brits are an elite sarcasm with added taunting unit. PC Denzil C**t is using sarcasm. And PC Beefy Yorkshire moves onto the taunting.
BEEFY
C'mon lad she wants a truncheon, my truncheon don't ya petal.
CHIEF COP
What's he doing?
DR JF
By implying his wife would rather have a red faced, overweight Yorskshireman with no hair. He is laser sighting the perpetrators ego.
DENZIL
Don't worry geezer I'm sure she'll let you have a pink apron... when you do the washing up.
BEEFY
Aye petal if you don't want to do the washing up. I've got something warm to get your hands on that'll keep them nice and soft.
DENZIL
Beats his fairy liquid.
MAN DROPS KNIFE AND BURSTS INTO TEARS
CHIEF COP
That was amazing! Does it work on Hispanics?
DENZIL
Yeh it'll work on your boyfriend.
COP COMES ON AND GIVES A SLCE OF CHERRY PIE
BEEFY
What the hell is this soft lad? Haven't you heathens heard of Greggs?
