A MAN AT THE IMMIGRATION DESK IS FACED BY MAUREEN AND MALCOLM
MAN
How can I help you?
MALCOLM
We're from Zimbabwe and we wish to claim assylum.
MAN
I thought there weren't any of you white land owners left?
MAUREEN
Malcolm you ninny hammer you forgot the disguises!
MAUREEN AND MALCOLM DIG AROUND IN A CARRIER BAG AND PAINT THEIR FACES WITH SHOE POLISH AND STICK JUMBO AFRO WIGS ON.
MAN
What are you doing?
MAUREEN
The prop the prop. You've got less brains that a foetus getting a head first abortion.
MALCOLM GRABS A BIG CARROT INEXPERTLY COVERS IT IN RIZLAS. HE INEPTLY TRYS TO LIGHT IT, BEFORE BITING THE END OFF. AND HOLDING IT IN HIS MOUTH PATHETICALLY TRYING TO PRETEND TO SMOKE IT.
MAUREEN
Yeh mon we izz being persecuted by Robert Mugabe's Babylon.
MALCOLM
He's hired Godzilla to beat us up. The damned nip will work for anyone.
MAUREEN
Do the voice you've got less sense than Jordan's fanny!
MALCOLM
Erm mon yeh erm iree that atomic lizard clart can't keep us down.
MAN PICKS UP A CLIPBOARD ON THE BACK IT READS "Here comes the topical punchline"
MAN
I'm approving your asylum application.
MAUREEN
But why?
MAN
Because you're clearly trying to get repatriated as a free holiday, now that all the cheap holiday companies have closed.
MAUREEN
Come on let's leave this racist. Don't eat the prop you ITV executive!
MALCOLM AND MAUREEN LEAVE WITH MALCOLM EATING THE CARROT.
A PANTOMIME LLAMA WALKS ON.
MAN
Who the hell are you?
LLAMA(FRONT)
I'm the Dalai Llama and I demand asylum!
LLAMA(REAR)
And I'm his wife.
