I tried to create a couple of characters who would be instantly lovable. Shell and Luce, 2 dizzy blondes.
IN THE BUS QUEUE
Two young women are queuing for a bus. It starts to rain. One woman puts up an umbrella. The other has none.
Shell: Do you want to share my umbrella?
Luce: Oh thanks. S'nice of you.
Shell: S'ok. My name's Shell, what's yours?
Luce: I'll 'ave a G&T.
They both laugh hysterically.
Luce: Na, my name's Luce. What bus are you waitin' for?
Shell: Number 47, into town. I work at KFC.
Luce: I'm getting the 69. Going to see my boyfriend.
More laughter
Shell: He lives on the Mugham Estate then does he?
Luce: Yeah, he's got a flat up there. It's not very nice but he's going to
get somewhere better soon.
Shell: What's he do, then?
Luce: He's a DJ. Nearly got a record deal.
Shell: Wow, that's good. Wish my boyfriend could do somethin' like
that.
Luce: What does he do?
Shell: E's a window cleaner.
Luce: So he's climbin' the ladder of success!
More laughter
Luce: Still, bet 'e gets to see the sights!
Shell: Yeah. You should 'ear some of the things 'e tells me. There was
one old chap, and 'e 'ad a chicken in his bedroom.
Luce: A chicken? What was he doing with it?
Shell: Well, what would you do with a chicken?
Luce: I dunno. Stuff it?
Shell: Exactly!
...Laughter.
Luce: (sings) I feel like chicken tonight...
Laughter
Shell: And another time, he looked through a bedroom window and
there was three people in bed. Two men and a woman, all asleep.
Luce: Yeah?
Shell: Yeah, an' Stan, that's my boyfriend, he had time to have a good
look in the window, and do you know what was hanging up on the
door?
Luce: What?
Shell: A cassock.
Luce: What's one of them?
Shell: You know, what a vicar wears. One of them must have been a
vicar.
Luce: Never!
Shell: It's true. Perhaps he was there for his afternoon flock!
Laughter...
Luce: I'll bet your Stan's seen a few women getting undressed.
Shell: No, he's never seen that. I asked him.
Luce: What never?
Shell: Never. Anyway, tell me about your feller. Sounds excitin' in the
music business.
Luce: Well, he does DJ-ing at the Lamb and Chop every week, but that's
just puttin' records on, y' know. But he does his own music. Scritchin' and' scratchin'. He's got these girls who sing on his tracks.
Shell: Are they any good?
Luce: Well, I ain't seen them, but from what I've heard they aren't up to
much.
Shell: Why does he use them then?
Luce: He says it's for stage presence. I suppose they must be lookers.
Shell: Or hookers!
Luce: Or... fff.....
... Laughter.
Luce: Wish I could sing. Then I could let him make me a star.
Shell: Really?
Luce: Yeah. Then I could buy my own umbrella!
...Laughter.
Luce: It's been really nice meeting you Shell.
Shell: Same here Luce. You'll have to come in to KFC, and I'll give you
a big bargain bucket.
Luce: Ah, that's really nice. I'm glad it rained this mornin'.
Shell: So am I. But just think, if I hadn't brought my umbrella, our hair
would have got soaked and our makeup would have run.
Luce: So?
Shell: We would have been mingin' in the rain!
...Laughter
