EXT. BEACH, ENGLAND 11th CENTURY.
KING CANUTE IS SEATED ON HIS THRONE UPON THE SHORE, SURROUNDED BY EARL GODWINE, BISHOP STIGAND, AND OTHER COURTIERS.
CANUTE PUTS OUT HIS HAND TO STILL THE WAVES.
CANUTE
Obey my command!
THE WAVES LAP AROUND CANUTE'S FEET.
CANUTE
See! Not even I, King of England, Denmark and Norway, the wisest and mightiest ruler in all Christendom, can defy the power of the waves.
GODWINE
(MUTTERING) Well, dah.
CANUTE
I'm sorry?
GODWINE
Well, it's not like anyone really thought that you could.
CANUTE
But what about, Oh, Canute, you're the greatest, the Ocean itself quails at your word, da-de-da-da?
GODWINE
Yeah, and like we really meant that.
CANUTE
All right, okay, that would have been quite stupid. But, obviously, I was making a point, about obsequious flattery.
GODWINE
'O mighty Canute, even the Ocean obeys your command'? It's just one of those things you say. No-one would expect you to take it seriously. It's like when we tell you, you are the wisest and mightiest ruler in all Christendom.
CANUTE
Okay, I see... Hang on, you mean I'm not?
GODWINE
Well...
STIGAND
That Conrad of Saxony is a smart cookie. Getting pretty powerful too.
GODWINE
And he has dry feet.
THE SEA IS NOW QUITE DEEP AROUND CANUTE'S FEET.
CANUTE
I feel a bit silly now. Why didn't you try to stop me?
GODWINE
Hey, you're the boss, if you want to go for a paddle...
STIGAND
And it's not like we thought you would be so daft as to go through with it.
CANUTE
You know, I think we might go back to the obsequious flattery now.
GODWINE
As you desire, your all-conquering majesty.
STIGAND
Sire, we can but bask in the glory of your wisdom.
CANUTE
That is rather better.
GODWINE
Just one thing - we thought you might want these.
GODWINE PRESENTS CANUTE WITH A BUCKET AND SPADE. THE COURTIERS ALL COLLAPSE LAUGHING. CANUTE CLUTCHES THE BUCKET AND SPADE IN AWKWARD EMBARRASSMENT.
END.
