NJ: Cut Price Queen

Haven't been on in a while and I apologise for this late entry to the Newsjack failure vault, but I really loved this one. Any criticisms welcome.

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MILESespite receiving just over seven million pounds a year form the government, the Queen has gone into the red and has been forced to make cutbacks. This could involve the immediate sale of Camilla Parker-Bowles, a merger with Kraft or, most controversially, the release of a nude calendar. To tell us about these savings and more - I can't believe what I'm about to say - ladies and gentlemen, the Queen!

F/X:A FANFARE PLAYS

QUEEN:You really didn't need to do all this.

MILES:We didn't Ma'am, it's just a recording. BBC Seven's budget couldn't stretch to a bugler, let alone a forty-piece orchestra.

QUEEN:That's okay then. One no longer requires all that pomp and ceremony. There's a recession on you know.

MILES:Yes. In light of that Ma'am, is the crown really necessary? This is radio after all.

QUEEN:What? This old thing? One just threw it on at the last minute. One is having a bad hair day.

MILES:Also, I can't fail to notice that you're sitting on a horse.

F/X:A HORSE WHINNIES

QUEEN:Yes, well one is getting on a bit. And this little beauty can get up stairs. Sort of. Try doing that on a mobility scooter.

MILESo, what measures are you actually taking to save money, Ma'am?

QUEENne has stopped using hairspray. Hence the crown.

MILESo you think that's enough?

QUEEN:Thank you, yes. It's been a lovely evening, but it is past one's bedtime. Away, Fergie! Away!

F/X:HORSE NEIGHS AND GALLOPS OFF INTO THE DISTANCE

MILES:The Queen. Her financial mess is almost as bad as the one Fergie has left on our studio floor.

END

I wasn't too sure about Fergie being the butt of this, Camilla is far more horse-like. I also thought the 'Away Fergie Away' was a bit sudden. Maybe the Queen should introduce it as one of her cuts that royals will have to gain employment. It's got potential.

I like the idea of royals having to gain employment. My wife did say to me that Camilla was more horse-like at the time, so maybe I should have gone with that.

Better luck next time I hope. I've got a new sketch idea that I'm going to post up soon so would appreciate the feedback there too. Thanks Angie.

Love the scenario. This is the kind of sketch you could write ten versions of and pick the best one. If you were really hard-working.

I wrote at least three versions before finding this one and would have done more if I'd had time, but the deadline loomed.

I liked it up till the horse bit. I would have gone down the route of some more ridiculous measures she could be taking.

Oh and I thought the intro was really good too.

Will be putting one of mine up if you fancy a gander