Hey guys, I wrote a pilot for a sitcom about five years ago set in a Chinese restaurant. I wasn't exactly pleased with it, but I sent it off to the BBC and they gave me some pretty good advice. So anyway, I've returned to sitcom writing and I'm trying to create something that I can be really proud of. This is the opening scene to my latest effort, "Quarter-Life Crisis". It certainly needs editing, but I just wanted to see what you guys thought about it.
SCENE 1. INT. FRANK'S FLAT - LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
MILO ENTERS CARRYING A PLASTIC BAG FULL OF SHOPPING. HE SWITCHES ON THE LIGHT.
MILO:
Hey, Frank. I'm back. I bought some chicken from that new place across the street. That Halal place? I don't know what Halal means though. I think it's Indian for "spicy".
MILO RESTS THE SHOPPING BAG ON THE COUNTER. HE SPOTS A POST-IT NOTE STUCK TO THE DESK.
HE PICKS IT UP AND BEGINS TO READ IT. SLOWLY A LOOK OF HORROR GROWS ON HIS FACE.
MILO:
Jesus Christ! Frank, what have you done?
MILO DROPS THE NOTE AND RUNS TOWARDS FRANK'S ROOM. HE TRIES THE DOOR BUT IT'S LOCKED.
MILO:
Frank, open the door! What are you doing in there?
FRANK:
(V.O) Go away.
MILO:
I saw you're little suicide note. You spelt 'despair' wrong. What the hell are you doing in there?
FRANK:
(V.O) I'm hanging myself. I'm ending it all. But I'm not dead yet. I thought you didn't finish work until five.
MILO:
Yeah, my manager had a nervous breakdown, so we all got sent home early.
FRANK:
(V.O) Oh. (BEAT) Is he okay?
MILO:
I don't know. I think so. He was smiling whilst he was removing his clothes. But what do you mean you're hanging yourself? What's going on?
FRANK:
(V.O) Just go away and leave me alone. Damn it, I can't even do this right.
MILO:
Right, stand back, I'm busting the door open.
FRANK:
(V.O) No, don't, I just got the lock changed!
MILO BEGINS CLUMSILY KICKING THE DOOR OPEN. HE MANAGES TO BREAK A PORTION OF THE DOOR OPEN, AND BEGINS RIPPING AWAY THE PIECES SO HE CAN CLIMB THROUGH.
SCENE 2. INT. FRANK'S BEDROOM
MILO ENTERS THE BEDROOM, CLUTCHING HIS KNEE IN PAIN.
MILO:
Frank, what is this?
FRANK:
Get out!
MILO:
What are you playing at, you idiot?
FRANK:
I'm hanging myself to death, can't you read! I'm a broken man.
MILO:
You're upside down.
WE WITNESS A SHOT OF FRANK HANGING FROM THE CEILING, BUT BY HIS FEET. HE IS GENTLY SWAYING BACK AND FORTH.
FRANK:
I know, I wanted to do it the other way. You know, the way the celebrities do it. By the neck? But that looks like it really hurts.
MILO:
You can't die from being upside-down.
FRANK:
Ah, wrong! One time, when I was ten, I got a nose bleed from doing handstands.
MILO:
That's because you kept falling on your face.
FRANK:
Oh, It doesn't matter.
MILO:
So, what's the plan then? You're going to have a nosebleed to death?
FRANK:
Look, if you're going to stand there and ridicule me, then you may at least help me down. I really need to wee.
MILO STANDS UP ONTO THE BED AND BEGINS TO SLOWLY HELP FRANK DOWN.
MILO:
How did you get up there anyway?
FRANK:
I created a pulley system using your DVD box... set... thing.
WE SEE A LARGE CARDBOARD BOX THAT HAS 'BOX SET BOX' WRITTEN IN MARKER PEN.
MILO:
Not the box set box! I was looking for that.
FRANK:
Yeah, I was actually in the middle of watching Grey's Anatomy when I had the idea.
