British Comedy Guide

Builders

Another sketch I can't end properly. If the idea is solid enough I'll keep going, looking for a better out.

INT. BUILDING SITE OFFICE. DAY.

A MAN BEHIND A DESK ( MANAGER ) IS TALKING TO THE FOREMAN.

MANAGER:
Thanks for stepping in. Now. These new fellows you've got on site?

FOREMAN:
The squirrels?

MANAGER:
Exactly. The squirrels.

FOREMAN:
They're very quick on the scaffolding.

MANAGER:
Yes they are quick, but, they do have quite a bit of trouble with the hod. It takes a team of twelve just to carry one brick to the second floor. We're three months behind schedule.

FOREMAN:
Could we get some smaller bricks? Or build shorter houses?

MANAGER:
I've got twelve hundred bolts that I'll have to sell as scrap because they buried the nuts.

FOREMAN:
It'll be fine. Just wait until autumn.

MANAGER:
I'd rather not have to. I'd rather you had hired seem actual people in the first place. I mean...come on.
At least I can talk to a person. Every time I try to speak to one of these lot, they run up the nearest tree.

FOREMAN:
Yeah. Yeah that can be a problem. I find you have to crouch down and shuffle forward just a bit when you think they won't notice.

MANAGER:
Tried that.

FOREMAN:
Did you rub your fingers together as if you had a small piece of food between them and make that kind of clicking sound with your teeth?

MANAGER:
I'm the manager of this site. I shouldn't have to be patiently gesturing to rodents in order to communicate with my staff. I want them gone.

FOREMAN:
But they're contracted for another six months.

MANAGER:
Just give them some Topic bars and tell them to piss off.

FOREMAN LEAVES.

END.

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