GOD, JESUS, THE DEVIL AND A FEW OTHER RANDOM PEOPLE ARE GATHERED ROUND A TABLE DEBATING.
GOD (taking a sip of wine)
We need to clamp down on this under-age thinking. Only last week I saw some little angels binge thinking. I mean for sure, we all know a little thinking in moderation is good for us but this is angels we're talking about.
DEVIL (slamming down a pint)
Awe for the love of -
JESUS
My dad's right, Lucipher (sips wine). If we don't clamp down now soon we'll be over-run with free-thinkers, creators, before we know it scientists will recreate the big boom and people will lose faith in our system. AND if donations fall you know the first things to go don't you?
CUT TO : A ROW OF BENTLEYS PARKED OUTSIDE. REGISTRATION PLATES "JEEZY" "GOD 1" AND "666"
GOD
We don't want people getting ideas in their head. Look at what that Dan Brown done to us.
DEVIL
Did you read that Angels & Demons? Seriously, he made me out to be a right prick.
GOD
True, but, you can be a bit, you know.
DEVIL
True. I do like my evil shit.
JESUS
Guy's can we concentrate for a minute here.
DEVIL & GOD
Sorry
JESUS
How do we propose to eliminate these free thinkers?
WE HEAR A SHOUT
CUT TO : HITLER, STANDING LOOKING PROUD OF HIMSELF
DEVIL
No, Adolf. Sit down.
A DISAPPOINTED HITLER SITS DOWN
GOD
I've got it! (glancing into space)
JESUS
Dad...
GOD
How about...we round up all the free thinkers
HITLER RAISES HIS EYEBROWS
GOD (cont)
and kill them all.
HITLER LOOKS WELL CHEESED OFF
GOD (cont)
I dunno, maybe take them to some sort of burning pit or something.
HITLERS FACE FALLS.
DEVIL
Your pretty dark for a cloaked dude you know that?
GOD
I have my moments
JESUS
So we round up all the free thinkers and kill them off. Should be easy enough. But how do we identify these free thinkers?
DEVIL
Tests.
JESUS
Go on Lu.
DEVIL
Send out books.
JESUS
Books?
DEVIL
Yes, books with commandments and severe punishments for those who break them.
JESUS
What an excellent idea.
GOD
Genius Lu.
DEVIL
We then do a door-to-door examination. Asking questions about the book. If they get less than say 7 right from a possible 10 they must not have read it and therefore be free thinkers.
JESUS
Excellent! And next to no overheads.
GOD
I'll contact St Nicholas to do the rounds.
JESUS
Even better. Now let's get writing. Dad, you start with the commandments.
GOD NODS
JESUS
Lu, you come up with the punishments.
THE DEVIL RUBS HIS HANDS
HITLER RAISES HIS HAND
JESUS (sympathetically)
You can help Lu.
END - TO BE CONTINUED