Scam Man

A little idea for a runner...

'SCAM MAN'

INT. PUB - DAY

TWO FRIENDS, SAM AND MICK CHAT OVER A PINT.

SAM:
...you're joking, you commute from London to Manchester every day for a temp job? How do you afford it?

MICK:
Don't worry, I've got a little scam going on...

HE TAPS HIS NOSE CONSPIRATORILY.

CUT TO:

INT. TRAIN - DAY

MICK IS APPROACHED BY A CONDUCTOR.

CONDUCTOR:
Tickets, please.

MICK:
Sorry, give me one second...

HE FUMBLES AWKWARDLY ABOUT HIS POCKETS -

-- PULLS A KNIFE AND STABS THE CONDUCTOR IN THE HEART. WHILE HE'S DOWN ON THE FLOOR MICK LAYS IN A FLURRY OF KICKS. AFTER ABOUT THIRTY SECONDS OF THAT, OVER THE SCREAMING AND WAILING OF THE OTHER PASSENGERS, HE FINALLY STEPS BACK, LIGHTS A MATCH TOSSES IT DOWN, THE FLAMES OF THE ENSUING FIRE REFLECTED IN HIS EYES AS HE CACKLES LIKE A MADMAN.

CUT TO:

INT. PUB - DAY

SAM LOOKS AT MICK, HORRIFIED.

MICK:
Yeah, a nice little scam...

END SKETCH

Good start, but the stabbing stuff is just horrible. I actually saw a train conductor stabbed in the neck with a broken bottle on a train. I think most people have experience of knife-crime in one way or other - it's not sketch material undiluted in my opinion.

Perhaps a replacement punchline bus, as the scam bit is promising?

Not something to be made fun of.

Maybe his 'scam' could be a season ticket.

The scam was just nasty. Have a funny scam that doesn't involve someone's brutal murder and it might be pretty good.

A bit too vicious, I think. Is this what Stoke Newington has done to you?

I like this but it is a bit too vicious. Maybe if he attacked him then pulled the emergency wire and ran off?

Also could do with building up the character of the scammer a bit more.

I've written a few skits in this vein myself...

It's a good un.
And would make a great runner.

Agree about the violence, but that's easy to remedy, the fact that it's very clumsy & in no way scam like is funny in itself however you portray it but at the moment it's overshadowing everything else.

You know that one time you bought that jacket because you couldn't work out if you liked it or not so you took it home thinking you'd figure it out later? That's kind of the way I feel about this sketch. It's ugly as shit but there's something about it...

I do think the ugliness of the violence offset against a cheery pub chat would make for a good gut laugh. It's whether that laugh justifies the means and I'm forced to think, given the response here, that the answer is no. It's kind of a doomed concept I think - the joke (whether or not you like it) is in the fact that it's not a scam at all, it's just a brute attack. Watering that down and making it an actual scam takes the joke away completely.

Basically what I'm saying is that I'm going to take this sketch back to the shop and ask for a refund.

Would you be awfully offended if I posted a link I did to a similar skit which was less brutal?

Thats's all it needs, a bit more cartoony violence but still highly disproportionate & then the joke (which is a good one) doesn't get lost.

Quote: sootyj @ August 2 2010, 8:47 PM BST

Would you be awfully offended if I posted a link I did to a similar skit which was less brutal?

View original

Not at all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHPclZ0cNgA

Well here's the fella.

Mr Scamman, bring me a scam...

The Buss's decision to axe this sketch rather than rework it just confirms my long held belief that he is the BSG's boy/girl most likely to. We were BSG once, yes we were. It ain't working as you wanted it so dump it. Amen to that.