2 SGT IVOR TRUNCHEON AND WPC BIRD ARE AIMING GUNS AT SOMEONE OFF SITE.
WPC(SHOUTING)
Look Raoul if you surrender now we can offer you, 3 orange tshirts, a packet of tabs and a bacon sandwich?
GUN SHOTS COPS.
SGT
WPC Bird you idiot he hates pigs and anything pig related.
WPC
Oh SGT this has been dragging on all night and I need a pee. This could be the longest siege with a psychopath since Gordon Brown was PM.
SGT
If only we could persuade him to commit suicide we could get home.
GAZZA WANDERS ON WITH A 6 PACK OF BEER.
GAZZA
Why aye man. You leave ma mate Moaty alone. Just cause he shot his missus, her boyfriend and a copper he's still fooking sound.
WPC
Oh piss off you weepy Geordie twat, I thought you died in a car accident.
GAZZA BURSTS INTO TEARS.
GAZZA
I just wanna be his mate, I brought him tabs and beers. I thought we could kick a football round. I just want a friend.
SGT
Hmm so you'd be publicly willing to say you were his friend Mr Gascoigne?
SHOUTING
Oi Moaty Gazza here wants to say you're his bezza mate.
WPC
Yeh he loves you and wants to give you a kiss.
GAZAA
Way aye man put down the gun and we can hit the toon.
FX GUNSHOT
GAZZA
Why do they always fookin' do that. I'm calling a cab.
GAZZA DIALS HIS MOBILE.
GAZZA
Is that Derick Bird Cabs? You still playing hide and seek? Fantastic can I join in.
FX GUNSHOT.
WPC
Sergeant Truncheon do you think we cpuld introduce him to the home secretary?