This is apparently in the style of Dan Brown according to a nifty Facebook App
A MAN IS SITTING IN A RESTAURANT.
VO
You there, yes you.
MAN POINTS AT HIMSELF AND SMILES.
VO
Do you fancy doing some evil...in a restaurant.
MAN SMILES AND GIVES A DOUBLE THUMBS UP THEN PULLS OUT A SMALL PLASTIC BAG WITH A TURD IN IT.
VO
You're going to order some food and pretend that turd came with it?
MAN SMILES AND NODS.
VO
Well you can't they did it on Jackass already. Sootyj's guide to evil is both evil and original.
MAN GETS UP WITH THE BAGGED TURD
VO
Where do you think you're goign? To flush the turd? You haven't ordered yet, you risk being thrown out. You know what to do.
MAN EATS THE TURD LOOKED BOTH DISGUSTED AND PAINED.
HE FORCES A SMILE THROUGH HIS TURD STAINED LIPS
VO
Like Dave Cameron you're not bright enough to be original. Now order the soup, now!
MAN WAVES WAITER AND ORDERS
WAITER RETURNS WITH SOUP.
VO
Right you see Micheal Winner over there?
WE SEE MICHEAL WINNER SHOUTING LIKE A CUNT AT A FEMALE WAITRESS AND MAKING HER CRY. HE HAS A BOWL OF SOUP.
VO
He's shouting at that poor waitress. And he's ignoring his bowl of soup, quick swop it for yours.
MAN SNEAKS OVER AND SWOPS THE SOUPS AROUND
MICHEAL TAKES A SPOONFUL OF SOUP AND SPITS IT OUT IN HORROR
MAN IS NOW TUCKING INTO MICHEAL'S SOUP AND EATING IT ENTHUSIASTICALLY
VO
Bet you're wandering why Micheal can't stand his soup.
MAN LOOKS PUZZLED AS HE EATS HIS SOUP
VO
As the biggest c**t to eat in a restaurant. Micheal's used to eating soup that's 90% waiters spunk and chef's piss.
MAN LOOKS IN BLANK HORROR
VO
The soup you're eating! Toodle pip next week how to be evil in a gastro-intestinal unit.
