The 'b' word

EXT. ALLEYWAY. DAY.

A COP IS SLAMMING A SLAG AGAINST A WALL.

COP
I got you bang to rights, you *beep*...

DIRECTOR (OOV)
Cut. Sorry sweetie, *beep* is out.

COP
*beep* is never a swear word.

SLAG
It *beep*ing is.

COP
Oh come on! *beep* is right for my character.

SHOT OPENS UP TO SHOW FILM CREW.

DIRECTOR
I know, it's a real *beep*.

SLAG
Just *beep*ing get on with it.

COP
Don't *beep*ing talk to me like that, you *beep*.

SLAG
Who are you calling a *beep*?

THEY FIGHT.

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR
Perhaps if we were to cut out the *beep* and replace it with 'CUNT'?

DIRECTOR
Don't be a *beep*.

END.

Clever, perhaps to clever.

Quote: Timbo @ July 31 2010, 2:45 PM BST

EXT. ALLEYWAY. DAY.

A COP IS SLAMMING A SLAG AGAINST A WALL.

END.

View original

Is that Slagg A or B?

Slagg A is far too nice ever to say *beep*.

Didn't work for me this one and I can't see how to make it work (for me).

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It did give me a smile however as it brought to mind a real life situation where a lorry had got stuck in the Blackwall tunnel (lorry too high). I was about three vehicles behind and we were there ages.

The lorry driver was a little fat bloke and people got out of their cars and were shouting all manner of insults at him: little fat f**ker, bleedin' thick twat, stupid bastard, etc. This went on for quite awhile with the little bloke totally unperturbed.

Then one guy called him a c**t. The little fat guy went off his trolley and ran up to him and poked him in the chest, "don't call me a c**t, you c**t", he said.

It was Pete 'n' Dud/Derek & Clive all over again!

<sorry, I digress>

This would get me chuckling should I happen upon it for sure. Laser like accuracy of the C word usage.

I think performed it would be funnier.

Maybe, an extra gag when the director first appears, saying c**t instead of cut and quickly correcting himself?