Maybe having a poo should be one of your human rights? Someone from Amnesty would tie themselves to a fighter plane to ensure you had free access to a loo and Billy Bragg (or some other toss-chafe) could sing a lament:
(To the tune of Between the Wars)
I had a Curry
I had a Bhuna
I was a smelly man
My arsehole was sore
Sphincter was overfed
I had a turtle-head
With sweat on my anus and
Between my balls
I hadn't 20p and as I clenched harder
I looked to the government to help the shitting man
There was profanity down at the lavatory
"I've cacked in my f**king pants
And all on the floor"