1. INT INSIDE A SHOE SHOP. A MAN ENTERS AND AN ASSISTANT APPROACHES
ASSISTANT
Hello there. Would you like to try our new computerised fitting service?
MAN
Erm, I suppose so.
ASSISTANT
Great. You'd be surprised how many people have ill fitting shoes.
MAN
Really?
ASSISTANT
Oh yes. It's more serious than you think. I knew a chap whose wife left him because of his fallen arches.
MAN
(Uncomfortably) Oh
ASSISTANT
If you'd just like to pop your feet in here, we'll take some measurements. What were you looking for in particular?
THE MAN TAKES HIS SHOES OFF AND PUTS HIS FEET INSIDE A METAL MACHINE WITH WIRES COMING OUT OF IT.
MAN
A pair of brown leather brogues if you've got them.
THE ASSISTANT TYPES SOMETHING ON A COMPUTER KEYBOARD AND PRESSES ENTER
ASSISTANT
Won't be a moment.
2. INT INSIDE A BASEMENT. A LARGE 9 FLASHES ON A SCREEN ALONG WITH THE WORDS BROWN BROGUES. A MAN IN A OVERALL WALKS OVER TO SOME SHELVES. THERE ARE SHOES IN SPACES MARKED WITH 7 AND 10 BUT NOTHING IN 8 or 9. HE SHAKES HIS HEAD, WALKS BACK OVER TO THE COMPUTER AND PRESSES 7.
3. INT BACK UPSTAIRS
ASSISTANT
Ah here we go, we've got some in stock, the computer is just checking for your size.
A HORRIBLE CRUNCHING SOUND COMES FROM THE MACHINE AND THE MAN SCREAMS IN AGONY
MAN
MY FEET, MY BLOODY FEET
ASSISTANT
Yes, yes, we've definitely got some in your size.
