Nuclear Dave

DAVID CAMERON IS TALKING TO LIAM FOX

LIAM
David we just can't afford Trident, it's too expensive.

DAVID
I don't care we must have it. And I will not be denied!

LIAM
But why do we need a nuclear deterent?

DAVID
To protect us from the filth. With out a nuclear deterent the dirt will be all over us spreading disease.

LIAM
Are you referring to the Iranians? That's a bit racist.

DAVID
No you f**king Fox! You should be a little less cheeky, considering you eat babies. Maybe I should bring back fox hunting?

LIAM
For the last time David, just because I'm called Fox doesn't make me a Fox.

DAVID
Oh yeh and I suppose Boris isn't a Boris is he? When he clearly is. Grr grrr

STARTS SNAPPING AT LIAM AND MAKING NOISES LIKE A HUNTING HORN

LIAM
Ok ok. We'll keep the nuclear deterent.

DAVID
Excelent. Where's the button?

LIAM
Here you go (hands David a red button) but why are you so desperate?

DAVID
Because Sam said I had to do the washing up on account of her being pregnant or fat. I forget which one.

LIAM
Erm David don't do anything rash.

DAVID
What's rash about using a nuclear detergent? Toodle pip and goodbyee caviar stains!

PRESSES A BUTTON THERE IS A HUGE EXPLOSION

LIAM
Well there goes Moscow. You should have used Fairy.

DAVID
Don't be stupid Hague's rubbish at washing up.

I spat out my coffee. Twice.

Is that good? (or was it bad coffee?)

Which bits?

Good.

"considering you eat babies." and "Because Sam said I had to do the washing up on account of her being pregnant or fat. I forget which one."

Really though, you could leave it just after David leaves and not lose anything. The bit at the end is okay, but feels more like filler. It's nicer to not know what happens.. or leave it open for continuation at some point.

You are of course right just seemed a good chance to give Vague a quick boot.

Easy- just put him in the next sketch ! I actively encourage the mocking of Mr Hague with his 70-year-old-toddler-face.