If anyone is not quite suffering enough from Newsjack Fatigue, here is my and JP's last attempt for this series.
Dan
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David Cameron Stands Up
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MILES:
David Cameron vowed this week to stand up to America. Presumably, the nuclear deterrent we'll be paying for via credit from Ocean Finance has somehow grown us disproportionately large testicles.
F/X: APPLAUSE, CHEERING
MC:
(AMERICAN) Thank you! That was Mr Dick Cheney! Controversial but, my god, is he funny!
F/X: AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MC:
And now, a very special guest for all you comedy fans, all the way from the City of England, Mr Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave Cameron!
F/X: APPLAUSE. AMERICANS WHOOPING.
DC:
(RUNS ON) Wahay! Thank you, thank you, America! Won't get to say that again in a hurry! Ahaha! My wife is *so* fat... because she's pregnant!
F/X: SILENCE. SOMETHING DROPS ON FLOOR AND ROLLS TO A STANDSTILL
DC:
(CONT'D) No? Tough crowd! It was much easier as a double-act. How about this one then? What sort of fish comes in oil? (BEAT) *Every* fish in the Bay of Mexico! Wowzer!
F/X: TUMBLEWEED
DC:
(CONT'D) Oh, this is ridiculous. I knew everything wouldn't be as easy as Clegg said it would be. Why do I keep listening to him??? (SHOUTS) Screw you guys, I'm going home!
F/X: CHORTLES GIGGLES
DC:
(CONT'D) The UK are an important political force, I'll have you know!
F/X: LAUGHTER INCREASES. ALL AUDIENCE IS LAUGHING.
DC:
(CONT'D) And we don't need *you*! We can get by on our own!
F/X: HE STORMS OFF STAGE. AUDIENCE LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY NOW.
MC:
Comedy genius, I'm sure you'll agree! Next up, Peter Mandelson and his Amazing Two-Faces!
END