British Comedy Guide

Sports Day

1. INT. INSIDE HEADMASTERS OFFICE OF A SCHOOL. HEADMASTER IS SITTING AT A DESK AND ANOTHER TEACHER STANDING NEXT TO HIM. HEADMASTER IS LOOKING AT A PAD OF PAPER.

HEADMASTER
Thank goodness the weather has improved for sports day.

JULIE
Yeah the children are all really looking forward to it

HEADMASTER
Right, can we just go through a few things?

JULIE
Sure

THE HEADMASTER STARTS TO CHECK THINGS OFF A TO DO LIST

HEADMASTER
So we've got the chairs for the parents sorted, the spoons for the egg and spoon, did you manage to sort out the prizes?

JULIE
Yup got them earlier from the co-op. I also sorted out the sacks for the sack race.

HEADMASTER
Oh yes, of course I'd forgotten about that. Did you get the really big ones for the dad's race?

JULIE
I did. But I'm still not sure why you needed such huge ones.

HEADMASTER
Don't worry about it Julie. I'm just covering all the bases, especially after what happened at my last school.

JULIE
What happened ..

PHONE STARTS RINGING

HEADMASTER
Sorry Julie, do excuse me.

2. EXT BUSY SCENE OF SPORTS DAY. HEADMASTER IS SEEN LINING UP THE DADS FOR THE SACK RACE.

HEADMASTER
Ok, dads, get ready, get set, GO.

THE RACE GOES AHEAD WITH ALL THE DADS TAKING IT VERY SERIOUSLY. SUDDENLY ONE OF THE DADS CLUTCHES HIS CHEST AND FALLS TO THE GROUND. THE HEADMASTER LOOKS ON AND GIVES JULIE AN EXASPERATED LOOK.

HEADMASTER
Typical. Excuse me Julie.

HE WANDERS OVER TO THE DAD WHOSE ON THE FLOOR DEAD. HE THEN TAKES THE SACK, PULLS IT OVER THE DADS HEAD AND TIES IT AT THE TOP. HE THEN ROLLS THE BODY TO THE SIDE OF THE RACE TRACK AND PUSHES IT INTO A FRESHLY DUG PIT.

CAMERA PANS OVER TO JULIE WHO GIVES A KNOWING SMILE.

Very nice Ishy. Not laugh out loud like your Larkin sketch but very clever and read easily on the eye. :D

Cheers.

It's quite nice to write a few things that aren't topical after trying (and failing) for NJ these past few weeks.

Like the idea of the expiring dads, but the punch was a bit telegraphed.

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