British Comedy Guide

The Bad one liners thread. Page 2

You know that Rugby team The Wasps. Have they got a B team?

I quite like that! Tee hee.

Got on the train the other day, I said to the conductor can I have a return ticket, he said where to, I said here.

My neighbour said Ive got green fingers so now I know they have seen me masturbate.

What's brown and steaming and comes out of cows? Shit.

Did Fred Astaire roger gingers?

What's the difference between a duck?

One of it's legs are both the same.

An apple a day makes you fruity

What's red and lies in a gutter?

A dead bus.

What's red and sits in the corner?

A baby chewing razor blades.

Doctor I think I have Herpies. (Doctor) well give them back to her then.

I went on a tour of our local council's recycling centre. It was a load of rubbish.

I appeared on Dragon's Den with my invention, it's a syringe that (when plunged) plays the song 'Ring Of Fire'. Duncan Bannantyne said, 'That's preposterous, give it to me so I can try it.' I handed him the syringe, then turned round, dropped my trousers and thrust my arse cheeks towards his face. 'What in god's name are you doing?' shouted Duncan. I told him I was hoping for an injection of cash.

Quote: Nigel Kelly @ August 17 2010, 2:12 PM BST

I appeared on Dragon's Den with my invention, it's a syringe that (when plunged) plays the song 'Ring Of Fire'. Duncan Bannantyne said, 'That's preposterous, give it to me so I can try it.' I handed him the syringe, then turned round, dropped my trousers and thrust my arse cheeks towards his face. 'What in god's name are you doing?' shouted Duncan. I told him I was hoping for an injection of cash.

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud Laughing out loud

Cheggers was dreaming that he was a joke.
So he had to pinch himself.

Does anyone else think that Richard Whiteley's life-support machine went "Da-da, Da-da, Da-da-da-da, Booo!" when he took his final breath?

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