NJ: Genetically-Engineered MP

Fail! I think...

Dan

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Genetically-Engineered MP
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MILES:
Like dirty old men in nightclubs, scientists like to mess around with people's genes before getting permission.

This week, they produced the world's first genetically-engineered, malaria-free mosquito, Newsjack discovered that during the last election, the very first genetically-modified, 'scandal-free' politician won a place in the House of Commons.

We have him on the line now. Wow! The world's first scandal-free politician, welcome!

POLITICIAN:
Thank you, Miles.

MILES:
So, you've never overclaimed on expenses?

POLITICIAN:
No Miles, I am completely scandal-free. I've never claimed *any* expenses, in fact. And I only have one house.

MILES:
Well, that is impressive. You've never had an affair?

POLITICIAN:
No, Miles. I've been happily married for over twenty years now, to my childhood sweetheart. I've never so much looked at another woman. Or man. Ahahaha!

MILES:
Quite.

POLITICIAN:
In fact, I've never spilt semen on a dress that a woman inexplicable kept in her fridge-

MILES:
That is all-too-common a scenario.

POLITICIAN::
-nor have I ever been for a walk on Clapham Common.

MILES:
So, you don't drink or smoke or... do drugs?

POLITICIAN:
Never. I've never even inhaled when walking past somebody smoking a pipe.

MILES:
(PAUSE, THEN SIGHS) My god, you're boring.

POLITICIAN:
(WAILS) I know! (STARTS CRYING) I've been ostracised by everyone in government. I'm in a minority of one. Why did they create me like this? Why oh why oh why? Creator! Must I be punished?

MILES:
(SNORES)

F/XOLITICIAN SOBS TO HIMSELF

END

Liked the idea ... a lot.

Not sure quite why the execution doesn't hit as hard as it might, nor am I clever enough to work it out, but it might be this: Through the body of the sketch, there aren't any big laughs, only titters, which is good because presumably you are building the audience up for a big hit at the end. But ...

... you don't really pay it off. Of all the ways being a nice MP could be a problem 'And I'm really boring and nobody likes me' is only one. I'm not sure that not being liked would be a big problem for a politician.

On the other hand, I'd keep the Frankenstein allusion in (or Richard Herring allusion, whatever). That really works.

Cheers Bomsh.

I'll submit it again, next time they genetically-engineer something

Dan