First NewsRevue Effort

Having failed to impact on Newsjack I have turned my attention to NewsRevue. I emailed them and along with a general 'what to do' I received a running order for the current pre-Edinburgh show and a request for stuff on a list of things including the Rent a Friend story this week. I sent them this and another couple of songs, any feedback appreciated.

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Super/rented/buddies/who/can/take/you/to/the/pictures!
Dee and Debbie swear by them
The pair of silly bitches
'If you pay them overtime
They're sure to never ditch us'
Super/rented/buddies/who/can/take/you/to/the/pictures!
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Because I had ADHT
When I was just a lad
Together with a stutter
And the morals of a cad
I never had a chum or two
To share in all my woes
I turned to Rent a Friend
And now I'm paying through the nose:
For, Super/rented/buddies/who/can/take/you/to/the/theatre
Cheapest option twenty quid
A choice of Trev or Rita
If you dig down deep enough
A graduate called Wauneta
Super/rented/buddies/who/can/take/you/to/the/theatre
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
So when your cash is all used up
There's no need for dismay
Just summon up this word
And don't turn to crime to pay
Maybe look for cheaper options
it may change your life
One night I said it to me mate
And now I rent his wife!
She's Superrented/buddy/who's/prepared/to/give/you/extras!
Super/rented/buddy/tip/her/well/she/will/expect/ya!
Super/rented/buddy/with/some/very/hairy/textures!
Super/rented/buddy/who's/an/expert/without/dentures!

Looks good to me, but songs aren't my specialty, may need more of a punchline in the final line?

That was FFF (F**kin Fast Feedback) Soot - thanks. See what you mean about a stronger punch line

Read Phil Barron's guide but rule of thumb is

1 Don't have a repeated chorus
2 Each line should be a sort of joke
3 Match to the lyrics
4 End on a punchline

Looks good. I trust you've sent this in to them.

Quote: sootyj @ July 22 2010, 5:53 PM BST

Read Phil Barron's guide but rule of thumb is

1 Don't have a repeated chorus
2 Each line should be a sort of joke
3 Match to the lyrics
4 End on a punchline

View original

Cheers Soot, I think I hit some of them. where can I find his advice looked on his website but couldn't see any?

Quote: Chappers @ July 22 2010, 6:12 PM BST

Looks good. I trust you've sent this in to them.

View original

Thanks Chappers. Yes I've sent it.

"Now I rent his wife" = I think is a good punchline.

Think the Newsrevue guide said liked the lyric hook - so the fact it#s fresh each time is nice.

Picky, but think you mean Juanita...

Big Jack

PS Any secret trick to getting a reply? I've heard nothing...

Thanks for your comments Big Jack. Yes it should have been juanita -doh!

In terms of getting a reply I just sent a quick email saying I was interested in trying to get on and I got a reply the same day saying I would be put on the list of people who get the show running order and requests from the producers for certain topics (which I got the next day and rent a Friend was one). This is the email I sent my initial enquiry to:
mail@newsrevue.com.