Radio sketch

Voices are slightly crackly.

PILOT

Come in Tower. This is Victor Charlie Niner. This is a mayday call.

TOWER

Come in Victor Charlie Niner. What's happening?

PILOT

Prepare the runway for an emergency landing.

TOWER

Roger that. Tony, what's happening up there?

PILOT

You won't believe this, Sid. There's something outside the window.

TOWER

Jesus! Talk to me. What the Hell is out there?

PILOT

It's a flying elephant, Sid.

BEAT

TOWER

What? Did you say 'elephant'?

PILOT

It's ears are f**king huge.

TOWER

Take it down, Tony.

PILOT

What?

TOWER

Nuke the bastard.

PILOT

I...

TOWER

What is it?

PILOT

He's got a little hat on, Sid.

TOWER

Jesus Christ.

PILOT

It's a little, yellow hat. He looks so hap...Oh no! Mayday! Mayday! Here he comes!

TOWER

Blast it Tony, blow him to Kingdom Come!

PILOT

Arghhhhh!!

F/X Missile launched & explosion.

TOWER

Tony! Tony! Victor Charlie Niner, come in Victor Charlie Niner.

BEAT

PILOT

This is Victor Charlie Niner receiving, Tower. I got him Sid.

TOWER

Yes! Thank God! Great work, pilot. Are you still coming in?

PILOT

I'm going to need to, Sid, there're bits of him everywhere. Oh, God...

TOWER

What is it?

PILOT

His trunk. It's waving. He's saying goodbye, Sid.

TOWER

Stand down, soldier. Stand down.

I really liked this Especially the 'he's got a little hat on line'. Very funny. I didn't like the ending though.

My very first ever animation had a flying Elephant. No hat though.

Ta ShoePie - yep - the ending's supposed to be in the actor's emotion, but looks shoite written. I was toying with putting a cyclical ending in there - like two arabs on a rug, but I thought the untrained eye might see it as racist?

Oh - and a flying elephant without a hat?! Don't be ridiculous.

Enjoyed the setup very much but the ending was a whole lot of nothing. It was kind of nonsensical too - if the elephant was blown up by a missile how is it waving its trunk?

(that last question would look great as a Tweet, wouldn't it?)

Yep - I think I got lazy and thought the sketch was done. The ending as it is would be fine if Tower/Sid had shown some sort of character (like an Apollo 13 ending type thing) but I hadn't. What do you think to the Arab/Aladdin line I suggested?

And yep - a grand tweet. Up there with anything from yesterday's Cheggarsgate. It's a cartoon, so that's why I went with that - but I'm explaining a turd so it matters not a jot.

I liked the flying carpet ending. If you're worried about racist implications just leave our the word "arab" and go with something like "a guy in Hammer pants riding a flying carpet".

Enjoyed the well-paced build up, but agree the ending lacks something. How about:

PILOT

Oh my God, it's a mouse on a parachute.

Cheers - they're good ideas. I think the rhythm of the ending needs work too - I'll think on't.

Reading it again, the Tower and Pilot shouldn't be on first name terms. How about an independence day ending:

Pilot
The smokes clearing.

Tower
Can you confirm the target is destroyed?

Pilot
My God! He's still there! He must have some kind of defensive shield! Possibly in his hat!

Ta all - I'm still not sure on the ending. I think going elsewhere in Disney feels like a cop out on my part. I'll do a quick edit, and go along the lines of Shoe Pie - make it a bit more formal.

Keep posting ShoePie - your avatar lends a certain gravitas to Dumbo's plight.

Voices are slightly crackly.

PILOT

Come in Tower. This is Victor Charlie Niner. This is a mayday call.

TOWER

Come in Victor Charlie Niner. What's happening?

PILOT

Prepare the runway for an emergency landing.

TOWER

Roger that. What's happening up there?

PILOT

You won't believe this, Tower. There's something outside the window.

TOWER

Jesus! Talk to me. What the Hell is out there?

PILOT

It's a flying elephant.

BEAT

TOWER

What? Did you say 'elephant'?

PILOT

It's ears are f**king huge.

TOWER

Take it down, pilot.

PILOT

What?

TOWER

Nuke the bastard.

PILOT

I...

TOWER

What is it?

PILOT

He's got a little hat on.

TOWER

Jesus Christ.

PILOT

It's a little, yellow hat. He looks so hap...Oh no! Mayday! Mayday! Here he comes!

TOWER

Blast it pilot, blow him to Kingdom Come!

PILOT

Arghhhhh!!

F/X Missile launched & explosion.

TOWER

Pilot! Pilot! Victor Charlie Niner, come in Victor Charlie Niner.

BEAT

TOWER

Come in Victor Charlie Niner.

BEAT

PILOT

(distant) This is Victor Charlie Niner receiving, Tower.

TOWER

Can you confirm that the target is destroyed?

PILOT

I can't see. All this Goddamn smoke...wait. It's clearing...

TOWER

Can you confirm that the target is destroyed?

PILOT

I can't....Yes. I can see it. Target destroyed.

TOWER

Yes! Thank God! Great work, pilot. Are you still coming in?

PILOT

I'm going to need to, Tower, there're bits of him everywhere.

Still great, but ending just needs something. Not sure what.

Yep, you're right - ta for the support and I'll keep thinking.

Any other suggestions welcomed!

Nice I liked the trunk waving bit, saying goodbye to the circus. There were those crows in Dumbo, definitely a bit racist.

Oh God yeah, I remember them.

This is nice and the second version is an improvment. Agreee with Timbo that the ending still needs someting. What came to my mind was maybe the elephant crash lands into a bucket of water or trampoline held out by the clowns? Or the pilot could have to eject and he lands in/on one of those?