1. EXT. NATURE RESERVE. DAY.
DUNCAN, THE VOLUNTEER WARDEN, AND STEPHEN, A WILDLIFE TRUST OFFICIAL, ARE IN A DITCH.
DUNCAN
See? I told you. This is ever so exciting. The Drab Brown Moth.
STEPHEN TAKES A LONG LOOK AT THE MOTH.
STEPHEN
It certainly is drab.
DUNCAN
It is the first time it has been recorded in the county. The Trust must support our application for Triple SI status now.
STEPHEN
I suppose... only it is a bit... 'meh'.
DUNCAN
I beg your pardon.
STEPHEN
I mean yes, it is an exciting discovery, obviously. But...
STEPHEN THEATRICALLY STIFLES A YAWN.
DUNCAN
It is nationally endangered.
STEPHEN
Yes... but do you think anyone would actually miss it?
DUNCAN
Well...
DUNCAN TAKES A LONG LOOK AT THE MOTH.
DUNCAN
All right, but it is not just the moth. Listen! Daubenton's Monotonous Cricket.
THEY LISTEN.
STEPHEN
It gets on your tits after a while, doesn't it?
DUNCAN
Okay it is not much to listen to. Or to look at it. But its behaviour, I am sure, is fascinating. Simon King came to film it.
STEPHEN
Oh, we're going to be on Springwatch? Excellent.
DUNCAN
Er, no. He gave it half a morning then left muttering something about it being too arse-numbingly boring even for him. But we don't just have a rich, if admittedly slightly tedious, insect fauna. The site also supports a breeding population of Spectacular Warblers.
STEPHEN
Spectacular Warblers - that's sounds more promising.
DUNCAN
Yes, what is so spectacular about them is that they have absolutely no distinguishing features whatsoever. None. Even the song is instantly forgetable. The only way of identifying them is by eliminating literally every other species of warbler.
STEPHEN
Look, the thing is Tesco want to put up a superstore here.
DUNCAN
But that's unthinkable!
STEPHEN
And as a sweetner they've offered to build a multiplex.
DUNCAN
(LESS CERTAIN) Really...?
INT. CINEMA. NIGHT.
HOUSE LIGHTS ARE DOWN. DUNCAN AND STEPHEN ARE SITTING TOGETHER, MUNCHING FROM BUCKETS OF POPCORN. THEY ARE ILLUMINATED BY THE LIGHT FROM THE SCREEN. WE DO NOT SEE WHAT THEY ARE WATCHING.
CINEMA TRAILER (VO): From the Academy Award winning director of March of the Penguins comes The Flight of the Drab Brown Moth.
MORGAN FREEMAN (VO): Only now are scientists beginning to understand the crucial part played by these unassuming yet fascinating creatures in the ecosystem of the entire planet...
DUNCAN MISSES HIS MOUTH WITH THE POPCORN. STEPHEN SINKS DOWN INTO HIS SEAT.
END.
