MILES
With the credit crunch getting crunchier then a bowl of Aldi Cocopops. Everyone is having to make cuts; the British army will be replacing it's body armour and rifles with a card. One side reading bang and the other one duck! Prince Charles has had to fire David Bellamy as his ambassador to the New Forest. But even the venerable BBC maybe expected to tighten it's belt. Tonight I'm talking to the BBC's new effincey expert Sasha De Bills.
SASHA
Good evening Miles. I wouldn't worry you'll hardly notice the changes!
MILES
So you won't be cutting any of the BBC's flagship shows? If you got rid of EastEnders I may have to talk to the girlfriend again.
SASHA
Not at all. We will just be rebranding some of them into a more economical format.
MILES
Sounds more like painful cuts than taking your cat to the vet for a quickie vasectomy.
SASHA
Pish and tish. Can't cook won't cook will become. Can't cook because Ainlsey was arrested shop lifting the ingredients.
MILES
News 24?
SASHA
Oh we'll still have rolling news broadcast. But now it'll be called Some bloke told me this down the pub 24.
MILES
Isn't that Sky news?
SASHA
Damn. But everyone's pulling together. Even Alan Yentob is helping with his new show. Alan Yentob meets Andrew Lloyd Webber and asks him to spare a fiver.
MILES
But what about Radio7 home of innovative new comedy like Newsjack and erm Newsjack listen again.
SASHA
Oh don't worry Radio 7 will be safe. We'll just be reducing your signal range a little.
MILES
How much a 100 miles, 50? 10?
SASHA
How far can you shout with a megaphone? Don't complain radio 6 aren't getting a megaphone.