FX BUSY GREEK AIRPORT
GERALD AND ANGELA ARE COMPLAINING AT AN AIRPORT ABOUT TRYING TO FLY HOME
ANGELA
Why did you have to book with Goldtrail holidays you plonker? More like fold and fail holidays. Now how are we ever going to get home?
GERALD
Shush woman I have a plan. Excuse me Miss.
COUNTER WOMAN
For the last time just because your holiday company folded does not mean the Greek government will fly you home.
MAN
Actually I don't want to fly home. I want to claim asylum.
WOMAN
I beg you're pardon? You're clearly a tourist. You've got a stuffed donkey, diarea and an unread copy of Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
MAN
It's all a cunning ruse to claim asylum . My ill fitting speedos, screaming sunburned children and I heart Nana Moskori Tshirt were camoflauge now I demand asylum!
WOMAN
But why do you want to claim asylum from England?
MAN
I'm gay. That MP just had to resign and the head of BP and every one mocks Alan Carr. There's no way to be gay in the UK.
COUNTER WOMAN
That's just silly, you silly man.
MAN
Then you'll have to reject my claim and fly me straight home. Everyone knows Greece invented gayness, it's the only possible placethat's safe for me.
COUNTER WOMAN
But what about your wife and kids sir?
MAN
Oh I see you want me to hide who I am and live a lie. I'm not a Liberal Democrat!
COUNTER WOMAN
You're wife and kids are with you sir.
MAN
They're also gay.
COUNTER WOMAN
That's it! Claim for asylum rejected you're on the next flight out of here!
FX HUB BUB OF OTHER PEOPLE IN THE QUEUE
MAN
Ere they're sending him home cos he's gay. Oi I'm gay to.
OLDMAN
I'm gay too and so's my wife!
RICHARD LITTLEJOHN
Oi I'm Richard Littlejohn send asylum seekers like me packing!