NJ- GCHQ Answerphone

No need to say it was a rush job, it's rather obvious.

Too short, and the second bit is just wrong. Any ideas where (if anywhere) I could have gone with this?

MILES:
A government report has suggested that GCHQ suffers from a culture of racism and
discriminates against black and Asian staff. We invited a senior manager to appear
on our show but she refused, citing reasons of secrecy....however she did agree to a
telephone interview with us.

(F/X) Telephone being dialled.

RECORDING:
Hello and welcome to GCHQ. If you are calling about a current secret mission. Press
'one'. If you are calling to report a lost or stolen code-book, press 'two'. If "The fox
has flown the coop. The fox has flown the coop" press 'three'. If you want to
discuss claims of institutionalised racism in a government department that depends
on a good working relationship with people from diverse ethnic backgrounds to justify
its very existence, press 'nine'. For staff training purposes, your call may be
monitored, traced back to your house and your family held without trial for six years.

(F/X) Telephone button being pushed

RECORDING:
Thank you. Please hold.

(GRAMS: Tinny version of James Bond Theme)

RECORDING:
Due to industrial action brought about by a small number of staff refusing to relocate
to a call centre in India where, if you want our honest opinion, they belong, we
cannot take your call today. I mean, I'm not a racialist but Enoch Powell had a point,
you know. And he used to work in Intelligence. We will, however, get back to you.
Though not when you expect it. This sketch will self-destruct in three seconds......

MILES:
And not a moment too soon.

I quite like it (though I know RFTP got fed up of telephone menu sketches cos they got so many). Like the tinny James Bond theme and the relocation bit.

You're right though -- it's too short. Only thing I can think of is that they're doing a 'fake' message and there is actually somebody on the line trying to avoid being interviewed, but they're all whispering in the background and Miles starts to get annoyed with them?

Dan

I liked it as well Jinky. There was a nice rhythm to it and it was short but funny. Dan's angle is a cracker.

Yes!

I could have the second part of the message go wrong (slowly grind to a halt, tape gets tangled, etc) and then it becomes obvious that the person is on the line, but hiding behind the recording. This gives Miles an opening for an interview and the sketch reaches a decent length .

Many thanks for that.

I could probably end with GCHQ saying they aren't racist because they know that Jewish people are the real problem.

A simple ending and I get blacklisted from the radio. Brilliant!

That's excelent get it on it's way to Newsrevue and Treason. Very, very good packed full of good jokes like the meaty goodness in Pedigree chum. The escalation of the phone options was particularly pleasing.

BBC can always be funny about anything that could be viewed as racist.

Pussys.

Nice ! I was already laughing at "If you are calling to report a lost or stolen code-book," and there was more to come.

I liked this, way better than mine and has alerted me to sound FX, which I've not thought of incorporating before.

Good work

Just to echo the thoughts above cracking opening and Dan's idea sounds like a good build.

It's a shame that you can't go back to topical sketches much later & have a rewrite.
This isn't far off being a very nice sketch.