NI troubles

INT. Classroom

all pupils are covered apart from their eyes. One child is stood in sports gear. Northern irish teacher glares at him.

TEACHER
Right has everybody got their kit? Braithwaite, what are you wearing?

PUPIL
My PE kit sir

TEACHER
This is Northern Ireland sports day you fecker

PUPIL
Sorry sir?

TEACHER
You need your hoody and face scarf, now take that off. You can do it in your pants. Now what's in your boot bag?

PUPIL
Trainers

TEACHER
No that's for storing your petrol bombs. Have you got anything to throw at the police at all?

PUPIL
No, we only threw beanbags at my old school

TEACHER
This ain't poncy old blighty now. You'll just have to use rocks like the key stage one kids, but don't actually hit the police with anything, just throw it threateningly close.

PUPIL
Now is your dad coming over for the father son throw-off this afternoon?

PUPIL
No he's at work

TEACHER
You eejit, give him a call and get him down here. If he can't get off work, give em a bomb scare and they'll soon clear out.

PUPIL
Yes sir

HE RUNS OFF TO GET HIS PHONE

TEACHER
Braithwaite! No running. you can stay behind after the riot.

It's ok. You could maybe get in some more jokes. Something like:

'What's that other bag?
It's my shower bag sir.
Shower bag? Why would you need to shower when you're getting water cannoned.'

Or setting them homework:

'Ok, everyone. We've a theory test tomorrow. So I want you to read the first four chapters of The Urban Guerrilla.'

The ending could be better, what about?

'Will we get a refreshment break sir?
You'll need to provide your own.
Well, I already did, I brought some half-time oranges?
ORANGE? What!!! Get stuck into him boys. FX FIGHT SOUNDS.

Yeah good additions Nigel. I was trying to bang it out before I left work yesterday (busy day in the office) and couldn't think of anything to add at the time.

Don't get the Orange reference though? I don't have a great knowledge of the 'troubles' to be honest. I should probably read more.