At home with the Gerrard

INT. GERRARD HOUSEHOLD

Alex Curran is on the internet and Steven Gerrard is looking over her shoulder

ALEX
Hey Stevie it says here your moving to Real Madrid in a £30 million deal

GERRARD
First I've heard of it

ALEX
Yeah but Stevie its on the internet it must be true! Oh wait it says here that Gerrard does not want to leave Liverpool

GERRARD
Oh that's good

ALEX
Oh this is nice, you are Liverpool's third most loved icon

GERRARD
Only third

ALEX
Yeah after The Beatles and Cilla Black

GERRARD
That's rubbish

ALEX
Stevie its on the net, that means its true.

THEY NOD IN AGREEMENT

ALEX
Oh no, what's this

SHE BURST INTO TEARS

ALEX
It says you've been having an affair

GERRARD
Have I

ALEX
Yeah, for the past month

GERRARD
But I was at the world cup last month

ALEX
No it says here you and half the team didn't turn up for the world cup, oh my God you've got her pregnant!

GERRARD
Am I going to stand by her

ALEX
I don't know it doesn't say, oh God its my sister!

GERRARD
But you don't even have a sister

ALEX
I can't believe no-one has ever told me I have a sister

GERRARD
Hang on what's that

POINTS AT SCREEN

ALEX
It says "don't believe everything you read on the internet"

GERRARD
Phew then we're safe, if the internet says it then it must be true

ALEX
Yeah but if the internet tells the truth, but the internet says you can't believe the internet, then the internet can't be true

GERRARD
But if it is true then you can't believe it because its not telling the truth

ALEX
But that means that it is true because the internet never lies

GERRARD
But then that makes it true, because ...

THEY GET MORE AND MORE CONFUSED AND THEN THEIR HEADS EXPLODE

I like that a lot. really good idea.

'I can't believe no-one has told me I have a sister' - very good stuff. And a good angle for approaching this story. I'd be inclined to end earlier though. The last four lines don't do anything other than labour the great twist that precedes them.

*echoes Badge*

Funny. With the others. End on:

'I can't believe no-one has ever told me I have a sister'

Yeah, I probably agree with those comments looking at it with fresh eyes! I was in a bit of a surrealist mood this morning.

I'd also think about these lines :

ALEX
Yeah but Stevie its on the internet it must be true! Oh wait it says here that Gerrard does not want to leave Liverpool

ALEX
Stevie its on the net, that means its true.

Might be a bit of overkill? Wonder if you can convey she believes everything on the net to be true without spelling it out. Would...

ALEX
Stevie...its on the net.

....be better? Anyway only minor issues (might just be me). It's a great sketch. Easily imagine it gracing Spitting Image. Bravo!

One small complaint... I'm a bit footballed out these days. Sick of reading about it and it's stars.

Excellent! And a salutary lesson for anyone thinking of removing earwax with a pencil (your avatar that is, not your sketch).