British Comedy Guide

Magical Martin

A GROTTY PSYCHIC FAIR MARTIN IS SITTING BEHIND A CARD TABLE WITH A SIGN SAYING "I bet you 50p I can prove I'm a psychic."
BERT IS TESTING HIM WITH SOME PICTURE CARDS.

MARTIN
Erm it's a triangle but sort of round so it could be a circle.

BERT
You cheating faker. Now it's a circle or a triangle.

MARTIN
Let me think. Let me stare into your eyes.

BERT
Oi stop that! You're trying to see the reflection in my glasses.

MARTIN
No I'm not. The eyes are the windows of the soul.

BERT
Windows of my soul my ruddy arse. You're a bloody cheat. Let me tell your future Mr "so called magical" Martin.

MARTIN
Oh are you psychic as well?

BERT
No. It's a bloody con, but I predict you're about to lose a quid.

BERT SNATCHES A QUID OFF THE TABLE.

BERT
Come on Beryl we're leaving.

MARTIN NARROWS HIS EYES, BERT'S HEAD EXPLODES.

WE SEE BERYL HAS BEEN FELLATING MARTIN'S COCK FOR SOME TIME WITH A BLANK HYPNOTISED EXPRESSION

THE TABLE IS SURROUNDED BY CORPSES WITH EXPLODED HEADS.

MARTIN (TO HIMSELF)
Triangle, circle, bacon rashers you ninny.

I didn't get this one, Sooty. What does Beryl's fellatio has to do with Bert's head exploding? And what's Martin's last line about?

I liked the reflection in the glasses line though. That was good.

Bert is such a silly arse he doesn't realise Magical Martin hypnotised his missus into giving him a hummmer.

The last line is Martin reminding himself the order he puts the cards in the pack. So he can pretend to know them when he pulls them out.

Bert's exploding cranium and his wife's hypno oral rape. Are example of Magical Martin's real David Cronenberesque psychic powers.

Like this (when I eventually got it). Think the blow job is a distraction.

Also and the slight pedant in me is gonna come out, being psychic is the ability to read some's mind (which he is trying to prove he is) however the refersal with the punchline of him actually being psychic isn't strickly true as he is demonstrating something more akin to psycho-kenisis.

However I am being completely anal here I think, though you could get away with saying 'I can prove I have psychic-powers'.

I really don't know where that innet Aaron came from... apologies.

Nice sketch.

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