My first attempt at a sketch to NJ. Any comments welcome. cheers
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Sound of door closing in an office
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
Hello, Mr Edwards, pleased to meet you.
MR EDWARDS:
Hello
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
Now, I believe you're here today to talk about your pension arrangements?
MR EDWARDS:
yes, I keep putting it off. I suppose the current financial position hasn't helped.
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
Oh absolutely. These past few years have been an absolute bloodbath. Most people would have been better off sticking their money in a tin. This is why we've come up with some alternative, imaginative retirement plans.
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
The first one that's proving very popular is the prison pension plan.
MR EDWARDS:
The what?
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
Let me explain. You pay a very small sum of money to us every month. On the eve of your retirement we scope out a local building society. We then provide a crew of thugs tooled up with some shooters who'll go with you to try and rob it.
MR EDWARDS:
(sounding nervous) ok
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
Don't worry, we'll ensure you'll get caught. After all who wants to be on the run when they're in their sixties? Given the plan allows for a certain amount of violence on the building society staff, you should receive a custodial sentence.
MR EDWARDS:
Ok, and then what?
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
Once you're banged up, we purchase an annuity that should pay off any unwelcome attention, in the showers for instance, for the remainder of your sentence. You'll get accommodation, all your bills paid, a nice TV and plenty of people to play draughts with.
MR EDWARDS:
I guess it sounds alright, but with all this stuff about not imprisoning people going on at the moment, I wonder how violent we'd need to be in twenty years to get me banged up ?
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
The violence is fully index linked. I think we would go as far as mowing down the entire staff, but I can how you might be nervous about that. We do have other plans though. This one is very popular with gentleman of a certain age, it's the Logan's Run plan.
MR EDWARDS:
Go on.
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
Basically you can retire anytime from 30 onwards and when you do we arrange for a lovely lady who looks like a young Jenny Agutter to go on the run with you. We hire people to chase you for a number of days after which you're shot. It's an exciting end with a beautiful woman at your side.
MR EDWARDS:
Hmm, it would be nice to spend my last moments on earth looking at a glowing Jenny Agutter lookalike but it's not really the comfortable retirement I was after.
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
Ok, well we've got a few cheaper plans. There's The Lord of the Rings plan. On retirement we pay for a ship to take you to the Grey Havens.
MR EDWARDS:
Where's that?
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
Rhyl. We've got a retirement caravan park there.
MR EDWARDS:
What's your cheapest plan?
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
(sounding irritated) The cheapest we've got is the desk plan, it's free.
MR EDWARDS:
Wow free, what does that involve?
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
You work until your ninety, drop dead at your desk and are only spotted three days later when someone notices you've not eaten your sandwiches.
