NJ: Ballster's Billions

This took *ages* to think of an angle on and I finished it very, very late. That goes part way to explaining why it's just a load of Balls...

Dan

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Ballster's Billions
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MILES:
It is alleged that, days before the election, former Education Secretary Ed Balls, spent £2.5billion in a matter of days to rid government coffers of cash and leave the Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard bare for the new boys. It was, quite literally, a Balls-ache.

F/X: DOOR CLOSING

AIDE:
Well done, Mr Balls, sir. Great Uncle Gordo's challenge wasn't beyond you then?

BALLS:
Of course not. Get rid of £2.5billion in four days. Piece of pie!

AIDE:
Awesome!

BALLS:
Oh yes. Make those new boys look idiotic with no money left. They'll look bad and we'll be back in power before you can say 'hung parly-a-ment'.

AIDE:
So, sir, tell me -- how did you manage to spend it all?

BALLS:
Oh, I didn't spend it.

AIDE:
No?

BALLS:
No, that would have been ridiculous. 2.5 billion? I would have had to spend it on schools or something. There are laws against that kind of thing. Oh no, I hid it.

AIDE:
You *hid* it!

BALLS:
Oh, yes. And you know where?

AIDE:
Where?

BALLS:
In the seats of the House of Commons!

AIDE:
No! In the *actual* seats?

BALLS:
Yes! Now I laugh to myself every time their skinny coalition bums sit on those seats, knowing that £2.5billion of their deficit is sat right under their... noses.

AIDE:
That's brilliant! And -- even better -- that means we can simply get it back when we're in power!

BALLS:
Exactly. I'll grab a big knife and We'll retrieve those twenties the minute we're back in.

AIDE:
Fantastic! (PAUSE) Erm. These twenties -- they didn't, by any chance, have a picture of Elgar on them, did they?

BALLS:
Of course. He is my most favourite of the painte... erm, musici... erm... *people* called Elgar...

AIDE:
Erm, all of it?

BALLS:
Yes. Why?

AIDE:
I... erm... I think those particular old twenty pound notes were decommissioned just last week.

F/X: KNIFE BEING PULLED FROM KNIFE BLOCK. RUNNING

AIDE:
Mr Balls? Mr Balls?! Where are you going?

BALLS:
(DISTANT) Come with me! Bring a bin bag!

END

Nice joke. I say with all honesty that I didn't see it coming.

But, you let me get to the joke before you delivered it - you take quite a long time to get there and do quite a lot of explaining along the way. I don't know if you'd take the audience with you if you made the jump straight from 'they didn't, by any chance, have a picture of Elgar on them?' to Balls; 'Oh shit', but If you did manage to let them make the connection themselves, I reckon they'd reward you with a bigger laugh.

I say this only because Newsjack seems unusually tolerant of one big gag short sketches and they work very well - the Men's Health 'No, I'm sure it will be fine' sketch springs to mind.

You're right -- It does need a rewrite.

Hmm -- interesting about 'making the connection themselves'. On the one hand, if they didn't know the notes out of circulation story, they won't laugh, or may feel robbed. On the other, the people who do make the connection will feel all clever and thus laugh twice as loud. Net result: same amount of laughter!

Cheers again.

Dan

I thought it was quite neat, wouldn't have taken up too much time and is whimsical enough. Maybe the start is slightly laboured and the story didn't get enough coverage to make it Newsjackable.

Wahay -- I'm 'whimsical enough'!

Cheers Adam.

Dan

For me, if you're going to do parodies, you're got to aim for something that the widest possible section of the audience will have heard of. Jaws? Yes. Star Wars? Yes. Brewster's Millions? Probably not.