OCD

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Husband leads his nervous looking wife over to a table.

WIFE
Oh can't we go back? I'm almost certain I didn't lock the door.

HUSBAND
You locked the door! You went back and checked it three times before you'd let me start the engine!

WIFE
What about the kitchen window? Did I close it? Oh God I'm not sure that I did.

HUSBAND
Yes you closed the kitchen window.

WIFE
What about the oven? Did I turn the oven off?

HUSBAND
Sweetheart, listen. Just relax. Nothing is going to happen. You definitely locked the door, and you definitely closed the window, and you definitely-

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

The couple are stood outside of their home which is engulfed in flames. Firemen frantically try to put it out.

It seems a little obvious to me, Chris. I think it would be more funny if she was worried about 3 really minor things which came true, but to ridiculous extremes.

it didn't seem obvious at all to me and no way could I predict the ending, it's good/funny

Quote: Ben @ July 3 2010, 6:45 PM BST

It seems a little obvious to me, Chris. I think it would be more funny if she was worried about 3 really minor things which came true, but to ridiculous extremes.

View original

Three really surreal scenarios would work really well. Flamenco dancers ruining the flooring, apes tearing up the roof tiles, ladybirds eating granny.

Chris: for me, this didn't work. I think you need to re-evaluate your primary motivation and look to more current trends. But certainly, room for improvement.

Dolly: not so much with your input. But keep it up?

Cheers everyone. I'll definitely have a think on trying to make it less obvious. I also like the idea of taking some small things and exaggerating them.

What do you mean by "look more to current trends" Jim?

Cheers

Very good

Probably because of your usually v high standard I expected more of a twist when I clicked on to read the sketch, so it seemed a bit flat.

Quote: Chris Forshaw @ July 3 2010, 7:48 PM BST

Cheers everyone. I'll definitely have a think on trying to make it less obvious. I also like the idea of taking some small things and exaggerating them.

What do you mean by "look more to current trends" Jim?

Cheers

View original

Don't waste your time, he's only playing a character. Unfortunately these types wander into critique every once in a while.

As for the sketch, I agree with Ben, the ending is somewhat obvious. It's really the first thing that pops into your head when you finish reading the setup.

I agree with David when he agrees with Ben. Give it a final twist... don't know what something to do with the fact that is not their house that is on fire, thus going against our expectations.
A cracking line - then they turn round and walk into their own house.

Might be a tad expensive to film this sketch mind.

Why did she have the oven on if they were going out to eat?

I agree with Ben that it's a bit obvious. Or possibly with Kasm that it was a bit flat. And definitely with Ben again about ridiculous extremes.

Keeping the same joke...

WIFE
What about the oven? Did I turn the oven off?

HUSBAND
Sweetheart, listen. Just relax. Nothing is going to happen. I double checked the door, and you definitely closed the window.

WIFE
But the oven!

HUSBAND
Erm....

FX
LOUD EXPLOSION IN THE DISTANCE

A FLAMING OVEN CRASHES THROUGH THE WINDOW OF THE RESTAURANT

HUSBAND
<Insert hilarious punchline>

Probably still expensive to film but a bit cheaper than burning a whole house down.

Yeah, ending too obvious. Go ridiculous. I like Dolly's monkeys ripping the place apart.

In fact, I think we should use the phrase 'Dolly's Monkeys' a lot more around these parts...

Dan

As others have said, it's not really a sketch, more something you expect to happen happening. There needs to be some sort of unexpected twist.

Quote: Matthew Stott @ July 7 2010, 3:41 PM BST

As others have said, it's not really a sketch, more something you expect to happen happening. There needs to be some sort of unexpected twist.

View original

What if it's their next door neighbours house which is on fire?

How about ending on:

WIFE
What about the thermonuclear device? Did I set the safety protocols?

HUSBAND
Um...probably.

THROUGH THE WINDOW WE SEE THE SKY TURN RED. FADE TO WHITE.