MILES:
Women have an important role to play in the World Cup, and I'm not talking about selling refreshments during the interval. Here's what happened when the England WAGs met up in South Africa.
WAG 1:
Right girls, I'm fed up of the press trying to portray us as just dumb accessories of our partners. As Cheryl has left the group, we need to find a new top WAG to lead a charm offensive. As Rio's the captain, we should give Mrs Ferdinand first refusal.
WAG 2:
She isn't here. She forgot to take the plane.
WAG 1:
Typical. What about Mrs Rooney?
WAG 2:
Coleen's not here either. It was too hot for her, so she's gone to her hotel room to blast some fans.
WAG 1:
Unbelievable. Where's Frank Lampard's girlfriend?
WAG 2:
She's gone over the bar.
WAG 1:
OK, where's Emile Heskey's lass?
WAG 2:
She's in the boozer too, downing tequila. I wouldn't expect her back soon; she's not very good with shots.
WAG 1:
I'm disappointed with this turnout girls. Is Robert Green's partner here?
WAG 2:
No. He dropped her last week.
WAG 1:
I give up. Please tell me John Terry's girlfriend is here?
ALL WAGS SHOUT "I'M HERE!"
