NJ: Darth Side

Can't believe I didn't put a Miles intro in front of this. Such amateurity! And it was going to go along the lines of:

MILES:
Perhaps the second most obvious thing in the world, after Ledley King's inability to stay fit, is that Darth Vadar, the universe's most evil man, apparently could have done with counselling.

But missed the boat completely.

Anyway...

==============
DARTH SIDE
==============

F/XOOR CLOSING

COUNSELLOR:
Well, Mr Vadar-

VADAR:
It's Lord.

COUNSELLOR:
Lord? Well, how about I just call you Garth-

VADAR:
It's Darth.

COUNSELLOR:
Lord. Darth. Vadar. Really? That sounds unnecessarily malevolent.

VADAR:
I know. (SIGHS)

COUNSELLOR:
Perhaps some delusions of grandeur, no?

VADAR:
Not you as well...

COUNSELLOR:
Somebody else thought this too?

VADAR:
Well, *apparently*, I may need some counselling.

COUNSELLOR:
You *may* need some counselling?

VADAR:
Yes. Emperor Palpatine thinks I'm a bit... 'unbalanced'.

COUNSELLOR:
Oh. And why do you think that is?

VADAR:
I don't know... *Apparently*, wearing a massive black helmet and breathing 'lecherously' freaks him out a bit.

COUNSELLOR:
Well, it is a bit... disconcerting.

VADAR:
It's RHINITIS!

COUNSELLOR:
Oh. Have you tried 'Tunes'?

VADAR:
The Emperor thinks I'm a bit *too* evil for the dark side. It's ridiculous! How can you be *too* evil?

COUNSELLOR:
Well-

VADAR:
I mean, sure - I never had a dad and I lost my mum early, but just because I changed my name does not mean I have borderline personality disorder!

COUNSELLOR:
I see-

VADAR:
And so I split the twins up, very almost resulting in them having an incestuous relationship-

COUNSELLOR:
O. Kay.

VADAR:
-eventually culminating, in a round-about way, to me chopping my son's hand off with a deadly weapon.

COUNSELLOR:
Ah! I can immediately see what you need...

F/XCRIBBLING ON PAD. TEARS OFF PAGE.

VADAR:
'The Jeremy Kyle Show'? I have a mental illness, I'm not sick!

END

Dan, you might not want to hear this but (gulp) here goes:

Slight topical relevance: you've got a very slight connection to someone else in the news that has some kind of fitness problem and I'm guessing that means you're making some overworked script reader's life suddenly a little bit easier as they skip on to the next one. Is this, by any chance, an old sketch hastily tacked on to a current issue?

But dealing with it as is...

The sketch starts off with some resistance/ denial from Vader about his need for treatment but then ends up with a pretty bald statement of his past wrongs. Normally, this kind of x-ray, bald statement of motivation works best when you've got a character who's normally evasive (banker, politician etc), but presumably, that's not Darth Vader. Might work better if you go through the whole denial, pathetic self justification to breakdown where he 'fesses up and shows contrition, but admittedly that would take a loooooong time.

The punchline/ sign off goes for a pretty soft target. I don't think anyone's going to think 'My God, Jeremy Kyle really is a sick man with a sick show - I never realised!'. If you want the Kyle angle, what about the therapist morphing into Jeremy Kyle (you've been Kyled!) and berating him for being a benefit cheat claiming as Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader, or as a disability scrounger with fictional asthma who's benefit should be cut - and hey ho, we're back in topical land.

And ...erm ... I'll get my coat.

Woah! Lots of feedback

Ta Bomsch -- it isn't an old sketch, brand new last week after the story came out (News of the World, if I recall correctly). I think you're right that it needs more work, certainly a couple of rewrites, but writing in such a short time-frame didn't allow for many rewrites. (Especially trying to do my full quota for the week!)

You're right about the ending, but couldn't think of anything current enough for a decent punchline.

I've done a similar thing this week -- just hope my target was current enough!

Ta for feedback though -- much appreciated.

Dan

Whew! so I can stand down the 24 hour police protection, then?

Seriously though, after an austerity budget, the government might be 'protecting the vunerable' now, but they are pretty much guaranteed to start having another crack at benefit fraud and scroungers soon to deflect attention from rises in claimants. If they do, you've got rich topical pickings with the Anakin/ Darth double claimant and asthma disability benefit angles. Possibly still with Jeremy Kyle? I can't be the only person who would dearly love to see him throughly f*cked up by a much bigger, much badder bully.

I leave it in your capable hands.