NJ: World Cup Reporter

Here an attempted character one me and Jane wrote.

Dan

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WORLD CUP REPORTER
======================

MILES:
Don't say we're not topical, as we're now going over to the World Cup. On the phone now is our roving reporter, Tim Soca-Freigh. (QUIETLY) Really? Tim? I thought he just did stories about dancing cats and stuff? (BEAT) Oh. Does he know about football? I MEAN I COULD HAVE GONE YOU KNOW? (PAUSE) Okay OKAY. (NORMAL) Tim! How did England get on?

F/X:BACKGROUND LOTS OF FANS CELEBRATING

TIM:
(D) Hi Miles! Well, the World Cup has gone brilliantly so far. Everyone's having a really good time! (VUVUZELA NOISE)

MILES:
Yeah, it certainly sounds it. But tell me, Tim, why did Greeno lose it out there? Is it the altitude? The heat? The new balls?

TIM:
(D) There's been *loads* of great parties and dancing and stuff! (VUVUZELA)

MILES:
Yes Tim! But what can England do now!?

TIM:
(D) Well, I think they (VUVUZELA)

MILES:
Woah! Sorry, Tim. Didn't hear you then because of the vuvuzela trumpet there. What did you say?

TIM:
(D) Well, Miles. I was just saying that England could really, really (VUVUZELA) in their (VUVUZELA) against (VUVUZELA).

MILES:
Erm, Tim - everything's been drowned out by those vuvuzelas again there. What about tournament favourites Brazil?

TIM:
(D) It's funny you should ask Miles, as Brazil were (VUVUZELA) in (VUVUZELA) their game against (VUVUZELA).

MILES:
(ANNOYED) Can you get away from that thing?!

TIM:
(D) Sorry Miles. I said Brazil (VUVUZELA) (VUVUZELA) (VUVUZELA) and then (VUVUZELA) (VUVUZELA) (PAUSE - SUCKING IN BREATH) (VUVUZELA).

MILES:
Tim, are you blowing that vuvuzela yourself?

TIM:
(D) (PAUSE) ... no... (WEEZY BREATH, THEN GUILTY)- yes...

MILES:
Have you actually been to any matches?

TIM:
(D) No. But it's really crowded and hot out there and they have these really noisy things everywhere!

MILES:
(ANNOYED) Ok ok. Well, we've still got a few minutes so... do you have any funny dog stories for us?

TIM:
(D) Funny you should say that, Miles! There was this lovely dalmation and he-

F/X:TUBA NOISE

TIM:
(D) Miles? I said-

F/X:TUBA NOISE. HANGS UP

MILES:
Well, there we are. Perhaps next time we'll send somebody more qualified. And I'd have stayed till the last innings and everything...

END

Liked. Could do with cutting at the beginning. Get to the 1st joke about the vuvuzela drowning out the sound quicker. Didn't get the tuba bit. Liked Miles's last line.

Not bad. But I seem to remember a similar reporter on The Day Today, who knew nothing about what he was supposed to and got shouted at by Chris Morris.

Took me a couple of reads but I like this Dan. I agree with Chip that the last line is a belter. I didn't get the tuba gag either? Also (my ignorance) what is the (d) for before the lines?

Cheers, Will. The tuba was supposed to be Miles playing it down the line to make a point, but obviously that hasn't come across and probably worked against us

That, and the incoherence of the script...

The (D) is for 'distort' ie. make it sound like he's on a phone somewhere else. They use a special microphone for that effect, you know? Oh, you did...

Dan

(D) - Thanks Dan.

I have reread your post and if I hadn't rushed it originally I would have spotted that the tuba was played by Miles. Then I would have got it! Not your writing - my reading.

I got the tuba joke. So there I thought this was really good. I'd have put it on my show, if I had one.

Havent submitted to NJ yet this season but next weeks the week.

Nice idea, Dan.

In fact, the central idea that blowing mindlessly on a vuvuzela is just about the most appropriate response to an England performance is hilarious (maybe he has seen the games and just really, really doesn't want to talk about it).

Dare I suggest that, depending on England's performance tomorrow of course, that you could just trim this down and re-submit?

Cheers Otterfox and Bomsh.

I like the 'doesn't really want to talk about it' idea, actually. Don't think I'll resubmit though. Prefer to try write something new each week.

Dan

Of course,

But if England go out tomorrow, you're sitting on a peach of an idea.